How to destroy the Earth

Sam's Archive ^ | Unknown | Sam

[ShadowAce]

Preamble

Destroying the Earth is harder than you may have been led to believe.

You've seen the action movies where the bad guy threatens to destroy the Earth. You've heard people on the news claiming that the next nuclear war or cutting down rainforests or persisting in releasing hideous quantities of pollution into the atmosphere threatens to end the world.

Fools.

The Earth was built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you've had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.

This is not a guide for wusses whose aim is merely to wipe out humanity. I (Sam Hughes) can in no way guarantee the complete extinction of the human race via any of these methods, real or imaginary. Humanity is wily and resourceful, and many of the methods outlined below will take many years to even become available, let alone implement, by which time mankind may well have spread to other planets; indeed, other star systems. If total human genocide is your ultimate goal, you are reading the wrong document. There are far more efficient ways of doing this, many which are available and feasible RIGHT NOW. Nor is this a guide for those wanting to annihilate everything from single-celled life upwards, render Earth uninhabitable or simply conquer it. These are trivial goals in comparison.

This is a guide for those who do not want the Earth to be there anymore.

[ShadowAce]

Check out the link. So far, he's listed ten ways to actually, physically, destroy the Earth.

No fear, though. Most of these are quite impractical, if not downright impossible.

[ShadowAce]

A Fantasy

[rarestia]

I saw this a few weeks ago. BRILLIANT stuff on here. This guy is a doctoral thesis professor's wet dream.

[Mr Ramsbotham]

The best and surest way to destroy the human race is to promote leftism.

[IllumiNaughtyByNature]

But,...sob...global warming...sniff...is the silent killer...

[Always Right]

No fear, though. Most of these are quite impractical, if not downright impossible.

Well except for #5, elect Hillary Clinton President. That would surely destroy the world and is possible.

[Recovering Hermit]

The only sure-fire way is to use a Uranium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

[ShadowAce]

I thought it was pretty great. I liked the Von Neumann machine theory.

[Recovering Hermit]

The only sure-fire way is to use a Uranium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

[DarthVader]

The Death Star is more efficient and fun too!!

[Mylo]

Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've created. The power to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

[biblewonk]

6000 years old.

[ShadowAce]

Perhaps. I'm not saying either way. There's room in the Scripture for a much older Earth.

[Junior]

Break out the Evil Overlord suits, guys. I think we're back in business.

[beezdotcom]

There's room in the Scripture for a much older Earth.

Uh oh...NOW you've gone and done it...

[biblewonk]

There's room in the Scripture for a much older Earth.

Given "interpretation" there's plenty of room in the Constitution for Communism.

[PatrickHenry]

Relax. The earth will not be destroyed while I'm on duty.

[ShadowAce]

OK. You may be right. You may be wrong.

Either way, it doesn't affect my salvation.

[nightdriver]

"There's room in the Scripture for a much older Earth."

In fact, there is reference to a creation that predates Adam.

FReepmail me if you're interested.

[Junior]

Dude. I'm not proposing destroying the Earth. I'm proposing to threaten to destroy the Earth. There's a lot of money in that, you know.