[humblegunner]

This is not because the drivers are Starbucks-sipping yuppie scum, nor because they are chain-smoking over-the-hill-trophy wives, nor because they are preoccupied with their cell phones (though these are all true).

Bite me.
I drive an SUV, I also have a 16 year old Chevy 4x4 hunting truck.
I have never been to a Starbucks and I leave my cellphone on my dresser.
I dislike small cars because you can be easily killed or maimed in them.

Been there, done that.. 1988 Camaro and one reattached leg.

I prefer to maintain a bit of authority on the road, and I suppose
that your Cooper-mini, while getting phenominal mileage might also provide
outstanding traction surface beneath my tires.

[humblegunner]

1988 Camaro

That should be 1978 Camaro, bonehead.
Air induction, T-tops, and zero ability to take on a tree.