It's Venus vs. Mars for Singles at Weddings (This summer, hide your bridesmaids.)

Fox News ^ | Tuesday, July 12, 2005 | Darragh Worland

[rawhide]

NEW YORK — This summer, hide your bridesmaids.

So warns the promo for this weekend's new movie, "Wedding Crashers", which is about a couple of bachelors who show up at weddings uninvited to prey on lonely bridesmaids and especially desperate female guests.

The movie cashes in on two common stereotypes about weddings: that women hate attending nuptials alone, and that men, realizing how vulnerable weddings make single women feel, use the occasions to their advantage.

But how are true are these generalizations?

[RMDupree]

hehehehe...

must not comment...

[HairOfTheDog]

thoughtful hostesses make sure their guests are comfortable

Yes, wouldn't that be a better focus! The guests didn't create the idea of having an event, the hostess did. The guests aren't just props, or shouldn't be! If we need to invite the secretary from the office, I'll not presume to tell her she can't bring a date...

Heck... sometimes that's how you find out something really interesting about the secretary.... when her date ends up being a butch gal with piercings :~D

[Nov3]

The thing is, when a wedding is run correctly, NO singles, who aren't engaged, or about to be, are allowed to bring a date.

I bet you had a cash bar at your wedding too.

LOL!! People aren't allowed to dring a date???? What kind of control freak behavior is that???? I would never go to a wedding where I was not allowed to bring the girl I was dating unless there was some really good reason such as an extremely small wedding (less than 30). I have never heard such BS.

[Tax-chick]

"Mr X. and Ms. Y."

I invited a couple of people to my wedding that way.

[Tax-chick]

Quite so ... and we end on a cheerful note of concurrence :-).

[Modernman]

With very large weddings, such attention to detail might be difficult, though. At that point, the organizers should decide whether to give each single person an invitation with an "and guest" or simply invite single people on their own.

We called everyone we had any doubts about, but if you have 100 single guest or more, that might be impractical.

[Goodgirlinred]

Thank you. I have had to turn that over to God as I can't seem to find it on my own.

[Goodgirlinred]

Gee. I guess I have shown my age. I was the bride, never a bridesmaid. I got married at 18, so I never participated in that sort of thing. Too late now. I would be one of the "older" invitees.

[Tax-chick]

That's a scale far beyond my experience.

[Goodgirlinred]

Congratulations and very best wishes to you both!

[Goodgirlinred]

I live in a small community in South Central Virginia at the base of the Peaks of Otter, part of the Blue Ridge Mountains. My handicap is my age. I just turned 56. There is no one left alive that age who is not already married.

[ericthecurdog]

The thing is, when a wedding is run correctly, NO singles, who aren't engaged, or about to be, are allowed to bring a date.

Tables are set with place cards, there are NO extra/empty seats at the wedding breakfast/tea/dinner, so crashers can't stay without being caught.

... there is no way that they could do some of the things they did, without being caught and summarily tossed out on their rears.

After thirteen years as a wedding professional... I hate to tell you that you are dead wrong on all accounts. The type of wedding you describe largely went out of vogue with the Edsel. Wedding crashing is more than just possible, and women FREQUENTLY bring the 'um-friend' to a wedding.

[ericthecurdog]

Such events are usually run by wedding planners, who check off invited guest on a list they carry around.

Uh, yeah. Not so much the truth on that one either. Any wedding planner that has time to play bouncer isn't worth a whole hell of a lot.

[lasisra]

"Maybe all these strict rules I am reading on this thread are regional?"

I was thinking the same thing.

Also, not everyone has the same idea of what - or who - a wedding is *for*.

A lot of people down here (way down in the ignorant backwards Deep South) think a wedding should be about celebrating the couple's marriage, as well as celebrating the joining of two families.

So, for us a wedding and reception is really about the bride's and groom's families, not the ceremony or reception itself.

This attitude lends itself to a certain informality: If the wedding's about families, you can't very well exclude all of the family members' children, can you? By extension, if you've got lots of children around, do you really want a three-hour formal sit-down dinner with place cards?

Also, this is a very religious area. Many people here (most of my extended family, for example) have religious beliefs that prohibit alcohol, and they would also frown on a band or DJ. So booze and dancing are out in many weddings.

What do you do for entertainment during the reception, then? The families mingle and talk to each other, of course. Buffet-style food (whether just finger foods and cake or a full meal) is best for this, since people are more likely to strike up conversations if they have to get up and move around, instead of staying put at a table.

Also, people can talk to whom they like, when they like, instead of being confined to talking to those at the same table: "Hey, look, there's Cousin Eddie! I haven't seen him in ten years - I'm going to go see how he's doing!"

Finally, children talking and moving around is a lot less noticeable and bothersome to guests when the adults are already up and mingling. And the children are in a better mood if they are not confined to a chair again after having just sat still through the ceremony.

Something else that is frequently done here that would no doubt horrify those who think weddings *must* be formal is the open invitation. While of course formal invitations are sent directly to family and friends, many weddings are also announced in the newspaper as open to all who would like to come share the couple's joy. Sometimes you can run into old friends and extended family you haven't seen or thought about in years that way. :-)

If an informal reception is planned, the reception might also be open. After the bride and groom exit, the minister/officiator invites everyone at the wedding to also attend the reception. We did this at my wedding.

Of course, a boor could crash and ruin a public ceremony or reception, but I've never seen it happen. Generally people around here know that an "open to anyone" wedding is likely to be a "dry" wedding, so people who are searching for a party to crash look elsewhere.

This doesn't mean the wedding is not taken seriously - we still have the formal ceremony with all of the trimmings: music (usually provided by a pianist, organist, and vocalist), elaborate bouquets and floral displays, candelabras, fancy white gown and veil for the bride, gowns for the bridesmaids, tuxes for the groom and his attendants, professional photographers and videographers, etc. We also have nice receptions with an elaborate wedding cake, professionally catered food, etc. It's just all done in a family-friendly way.

Different strokes for different folks.

[Goodgirlinred]

Who said that? "Done" 5 or 6? What does that mean, or don't I want to know?

[HairOfTheDog]

Such events are usually run by wedding planners, who check off invited guest on a list they carry around.

Uh, yeah. Not so much the truth on that one either. Any wedding planner that has time to play bouncer isn't worth a whole hell of a lot.

Not only that... I'd fire any planner who ran around carding the guests. What's next? security screenings?

[numberonepal]

Just remember this one thing: all guys (yes, even us married ones) are thinking about one thing for the most part when we are interacting with women. It ain't pretty, but it's the truth.

[cicero's_son]

Good manners are free. You don't haves to be wealthy to have them. And it doesn't matter how much or how little you're spending; but it DOES matter that you don't care enough to bother about your guests

For once, I actually agree with you. Wholeheartedly.

[longtermmemmory]

I agree.

It is OBVIOUS to anyone marginally involved with a wedding that there is no wiggle room for a crasher. You pay per person, seating charts are arranged in advanced, even a last minute additions have place cards.

This turkey is beyond believable. If anything it points out how hollyweird does not exist in the real world.

The could have done the brain surgeon crasher about a pair who crashes operations and pretend to be brain surgeons.

[Goodgirlinred]

LOL! I bet it would only be for the 20-30 age group! I tried the internet thing. Ouch!