Replies

Just as welfare can have the unintended consequence of destroying family stucture, so can making laws that supplant the husband in a marriage with the parents.

Caring for the disabled is a noble goal and concern. As I am disabled and may become more so, I am glad people are concerned about those who are in worse shape than I am.

You have to look at what you are trying to do square on.

You are either
1} trying to prevent anyone from doing anything that would hasten the end of life for a disabled person (regardless of whether it is the wish of the disabled) or
2} you are trying to prevent a husband from doing anything to hasten the end of life for a disabled wife if her parents disagree or
3}you are trying to make it mandatory to extend a disabled life for as long as humanly possible or
4} you are trying to prevent a husband from hastening the end of life only when there are circumstances that make you suspicious that he may have had something to do with disabling the person in the first place.

Summer, I have great respect for your concerns in this area. But don't politely tell me to shut up and go away when you are proposing laws that may affect me.

I would appreciate your responding to what exactly you are trying to accomplish, and then I might be able to assist this discussion by proposing a way to accomplish that that doesn't mandate divorce as the only means to get there.

With every good wish,
Patty

Caring for the disabled is a noble goal and concern. As I am disabled and may become more so, I am glad people are concerned about those who are in worse shape than I am.

Patty, as I said before, if you left written directions, this suggested law would have no impact on you. I suspect such a law would tend to impact younger people, like Terri S, as younger people often mistakenly think they are immortal and as a result, they do not spend time writing directions for what to do if they become disabled or incapacitated through a car accident, etc., which is something that can happen anytime.

I disagree with your assertion that "parents" are a class of people without legal standing to their adult children who become incapacitated. I quoted Judge Sandar Day O'Connor earlier on the thread, as she, too, recognizes parental rights. Whether she would recognize it in this unique situation we are discussing, I can not say, but, it would not be a leap.

Also, as I said at the beginning of the thread, it was other parents who made this point to me - and, I happen to agree with them.

You had said something earlier in the thread, to the effect that if your husband killed you, that would be OK with you, too, due to your religious beliefs. And, I said something like, well, that situation is one others would not want, and I know of no religion that supports your position (though I respect your right to believe what you want).

You're right that not every problem in life has a solution, and that not every problem has or should have a government solution.

But I think the questions raised in Terri's were profound, in that she was unable to speak, her wishes were not known in writing, she had parents willing to care for her -- and yet, look what happened. It seems to me common sense that a husband now living with another woman, fathering children with another woman, and having no divorce from his wife, no written directions from his wife as what to do, should have been more open to the pleas of his wife's parents and sibling. He wasn't, and the courts ruled in his favor everytime.

But I am not convinced he was on such solid ground in this matter. Nor that his wife would not have preferred the care of her parents. It is a private matter; I agree; but it is also a situation where the civil rights of that disabled person to obtain a divorce if she wanted ont, and the fundamental rights of parents, were totally ignored. That is troublesome.

If the husband in a similiar situation abandoned his disabled wife, abused her, and committed adultery, how would you then feel about the disabled wife not being able to file for a divorce? Your view seemed clear to me, as you said your husband can kill you and that is OK with you. So, it seems to me you would not be troubled by lesser evils as I have just described. But others do not agree with your point of view, as evidenced by this thread.