Posted on 07/07/2005 7:58:47 AM PDT by Michael.SF.
SONKAJARVI, Finland -- I'm less than halfway through the World Wife Carrying Championship course when steroids suddenly make a lot of sense.
Everything is going fine until my wife and I hit the water hazard. It's 3 meters deep, about 30 feet long and there is a fireman in scuba gear standing by in case of emergency. By the time I wade its length, I'm so exhausted that we do not so much step from the pool as evolve out of it, like the first amphibians to leave the oceans and crawl onto land.
We switch from the traditional piggyback carry to the fabled Estonian Carry; but as I lift my wife onto my back, only one thought goes through my mind: When did I marry Oprah? The longest stretch of the 253½-meter course remains, but I'm so tired from the water hazard that I feel like I'm not only carrying my wife on my back, but my mother-in-law as well.
Maybe I should have trained for this.
The Top 10 Things Overheard at the World Wife Carrying Championship
10. "Is it against the rules to use pine tar?"
9. "Get back in the sauna and don't leave until you sweat off another five pounds."
8. "I just traded you and 500 Euro for an Estonian."
7. "No, you can't have second helpings."
6. "I'll turn you into a gelding if I catch you staring at her again."
5. "And coming around the final turn, it's TakeOutTheGarbage by a nose with WhatWereYouDoingOutSoLate? coming up on the outside."
4. "The race has been over for half an hour, honey. Can I put you down now?"
3. "Weren't the Estonians named in the BALCO hearings?"
2. "No spurs! No spurs!"
And the No. 1 Thing Overheard at the World Wife Carrying Championship:
1. "If I win, I'm hoping to get put out to stud."
How big is a man who can WADE a 3-meter deep puddle?
You know, I read this column yesterday and wondered the same thing. 3 meters is close to 10 feet.
IIRC, the man and woman are holding their breath through this exercise, which is why getting out at the other end is so difficult...
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