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If you and your family think it's fine to use a stranger's wife or daughters to make a point go right ahead. I'm saying that I was taught that men don't do that and that guys who do should know better. Perhaps you and Stu grew up together. As I said, it's just a different standard.

No, we didn't grow up together. We don't even know each other. I think it's just you, because everyone I grew up with in NYC knew the difference between a general discussion and a personal discussion when using the term "wife" and "daughter".

If I said "Look at the kid with the spiked hair ... would you let your daughter dress like that?". They wouldn't consider it pulling their relative into conversation. They would consider it a discussion of the person we were looking at, and we would discuss the relative merits of how appropriate we thought it was. We wouldn' duke it out because one of us said "your daughter". I would depend 100% on the context.

So, maybe you grew up in a part of NYC where they didn't know the difference. Thankfully, I did.