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Salty Joe sounds like he knows what he wants:

" Someone to be queen of my castle, help me get closer to Christ, as well as help me sire and/or adopt a village of hobbits. But also prone to frequent outbursts at the TV or radio whenever the media slams Jesus, His Bride the Universal Church. A woman that can fire a machine gun and is a dedicated member of the NRA. Reckless behind the wheel (or motorcycle), but having excellent eye-hand coordination. A cop, Marine, or member of an elite fighting organization would certainly work to her advantage in winning my fancy. Oh, before I forget...if you are multi-lingual, have an accent, or at least can fake an accent (even if it's a Long Island accent), that's definitely a plus. Silly? Yes, but what can anyone expect from a relationship? I've already learned to walk from here to there on my own. It would just be nice to hold someone's hand while getting there. Is it sinful to prefer women with a chest bigger than mine, or is it demonstrating that I know what I want? If it's offensive, then you can throw your tomatoes at me (no pun intended...ok, it was intended). But remember, those gals who don't desire a man taller then they may cast the first tomato. So, if you're well endowed with extremely large breasts, and are a pilot of a really large aircraft, like a Boeing 747 that would be adequate, too."

Good news Salty Joe, Jennifer Wilbanks just MIGHT be available in the near future!