The look of Catch Me If You Can
Posted on 06/08/2005 6:17:39 AM PDT by Constitution Day
Fly Me a River
The King Hussein Center happens to be stocked with lissome young ladies,” wrote Jay Nordlinger the other day. He was reporting for National Review Online from the Davos Middle Eastern confab in Jordan, and, although he had many insightful observations to make about the big geopolitical socioeconomic questions of our time, it was the “lissome young ladies” who caught my eye, as evidently they had caught his. Jay’s no slouch at the in-depth investigative-journalism stuff, so, warming to his theme, he went on to report that many of the “hostesses” were wearing the uniform of Royal Jordanian Airlines. Ah, yes, I sighed contentedly, as the memories came flooding back. In recent years, my flights to the Middle East have begun with a little US Airways twin-prop down to Boston or New York — no “cabin service” at all; they don’t have any on their bigger planes either, but at least on the twin-props there’s no hatchet-faced “flight attendant” in shiny stretch pants and flat shoes shuffling along the aisle doling out mini-bags of mini-pretzels to remind you of all the “cabin service” you’re not getting. In Boston or New York, I switch to Virgin — much better: proper “trolley dollies” in bright smart red skirts and heels and the best kind of peppy Estuary English accents that make you feel like you’re Austin Powers and they’re at least prepared to pretend you’re shagadelic. And then in London, for the final leg (as it were), it’s Royal Jordanian to Amman — bliss: “air hostesses” in dapper stylish uniforms that, like Singapore and the other great Asian airlines, are an artful combination of native elements from local culture and retro cool from our own. East is East and West is West and ne’er the twain shall meet, but on the best national carriers from east of Suez they come pretty close. The Royal Jordanian gals had our man Nordlinger waxing nostalgic. “These uniforms are a real throwback, to the America of the 1950s or so,” he wrote. “You remember that movie in which Leonardo DiCaprio played that conman, who posed as a pilot for Eastern or something? You remember that bevy of fresh, eager, fetching stewardesses (and in those days, you could use the word ‘stewardess’ — ‘flight attendant’ was a long way off)?”
If you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane.
Catch Me If You Can, the DiCaprio caper in question, does a grand job of evoking that era — the jet-age glamour of the air terminals with the flying-saucer shapes; Sinatra singing “Come Fly with Me” with that marvelous Billy May intro that sounds like an orchestral Boeing taxi-ing down the runway and taking off into the blue; and, of course, the gals.
Which begs the question: Where did it all go? In America, that is. U.S. air travel is the exception that proves the rule about American service: In a Welsh restaurant or Austrian department store, I long for American waitresses and sales clerks. But on USAir or Northwest or Continental, I pine fondly for Royal Jordanian or British or Thai Airways. I yield to no one in the amount of derision I’m willing to heap on “Old Europe,” but, if it’s a choice between Delta and Air France, or United and Lufthansa, I’m with Jacques and Gerhard in wanting to put as much distance as possible between me and the arrogant bullying unilateralist Yank, if only when airborne and pushing a cart of Clamato cans.
Two years ago, an American Express survey revealed that 55 percent of customers had found a “noticeable decline” in cabin service since 9/11, which is pretty amazing because it was a good nine-tenths down the abyss before 9/11. The Wall Street Journal reported the dissatisfactions of “flight attendants” — “A lot of us,” said Glenda Talley of US Airways, “are in a terrible mood before we even set foot on the plane.” “There’s more stress to the job,” complained Kristi Tucker of Delta. “As human beings we can only take so much,” said someone from United. Yeah, fly me a river, baby.
Or how about this? According to flight attendant René Foss, “It didn’t take long after Sept. 11 for people to start acting like complete idiots again.” The first sign you’re acting like a complete idiot is when you book a ticket with these guys. The Journal proposed eight improvements airlines could introduce — more legroom, junk the cart, predictable stuff. But no one thought to address the most obvious defect — that U.S. airlines look just awful, beginning with the shiny shapeless prison-warden garb of their staff, the product of some malign combination of unionization and feminism. I’m not being sexist here — if you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane; when the networks have exhausted every other lame makeover reality-show concept, they should do Queer Eye for the Fly Guy. But the point is, for many folks, an airline ticket is one of the biggest single payments we make other than for a car or house, and in return we get a grubby bus ride with seat restraints.
True, many of those spiffy foreign airlines are either state-owned or de facto monopolies. But America’s federally-bailed-out basket-case carriers aren’t exactly shining exemplars of ruthless capitalism. And their government-subsidized contempt for the public starts with the look — the look of the planes and the look of the staff, the look that says, “Who needs a look?” When the Arabs understand customer service better than you do, you know you’ve got a problem.
What differenciates these stewardesses from others?
A trained flight attendant is licensed by the FAA and among other things must be qualified to administer emergency medical care, operate safety equipment, deploy emergency equipment and fight fires.
For a good look at what the job of a flight attendant is all about, get yourself a copy of the movie Airport.
You owe me a keyboard for that one.
That's if they take the time away from hanging around the back of the plane , out of sight from the passengers. What makes you think the Hooters girls can't do the same things? Not in your union?
You're right, I didn't read the whole thread before posting. Shoot first and be taken away in handcuffs later, that's me.
Well, I've never been a member of any union, but I've never worked for an airline and you can't seem to understand that fact either. But Hooters girls don't get the training and FAA recognition that flight attendants do. That's even recognized by Hooters Air, which supplies the FAA-required number of flight attendants on each flight, to which they add some girls who apparently get paid enough to shake their boobies in your face that they're willing to take your abuse. They must get paid a lot, as they don't even get the tip you presumably would normally leave the Hooters waitress you'd abuse when on the ground at a restaurant.
I wish you would. You sound like a very unhappy person. Moving to another country might cheer you up.
LOL- been there, done that, got the charred t-shirt.
Hell, when Braniff Airlines flew me into Ton Son Nhut (Saigon) to go to war and back home again, the 'stews' were foxy young round butts in mini-skirts. A stewardess was probably among the most well groomed lookers in America. Even those with average looks were foxes, as well groomed and dressed as they were. The uniforms flattered the female attributes.
Nam Vet
Well, seeing Americans behave like jackasses in a foreign country is enough to embarass any decent American. That's why in the past there were a lot of decent Americans who pretended to be Canadians so that they would have a better time in other countries. It's the exact same sentiment that makes this Canadian want to cringe whenever my countrymen puff themselves up as "morally superior" to anyone else and it's why I, and many other Canadians, refuse to advertise our nationality to foreigners who don't know us. Protecting himself from possible embarassment and/or abuse while on vacation may not help the image of the American people but give him a break. Not only is there nothing unpatriotic in the act of exposing the flaws in one's country, it is a patriotic duty to do so, which is why your extremely wise Founders came up with the First Amendment.
Damn this is fun. Four rants in a single thread :-)))))
Not a chance, Jane. Your appraisal's wrong too. You'd be wiser not to jump to conclusions--and such silly ones at that.
I agree completely, but can you imagine how your average 40 or 50 something US carrier flight attendant would look in a Singapore Girl uniform? It would create a whole new reason for stocking up on air sickness bags.
Actually, when travelling in other countries, I'm very happy to be recognized as American though I don't particularly flaunt it. (As European friends have observed, I don't have to. I radiate it.)
Jane completely missed the point. (Sorry, Jane, you'll have to read more carefully and do some reflecting to avoid such mistakes in the future.)
It's fun being American.
(Sorry, Jane, but your remark did make me mad.)
(I know. I know. It's silly, here in anonymityland. But if she could see me, I'd stick my tongue out at her.
There! Take that, Jane!)
(But it's good for everyone to know that, even someone so close to perfection as I, can get irked from time to time--and can even show an occasional transient moment of pettiness. Such is the human condition until one reaches the true perfection of nirvana.)
(There! Take that again, your LADYSHIP!)
(...transient moment or two)
LOL. Calm down big fella, calm down!
I made that trip too, but things have changed in the last forty years amigo, a lot.
still good advice, in or out of context ;-)
I will not claim that you owe me because the laughs I got were so desperately needed after reading the day's news in Canada that I'll gladly pay the ten bucks for a new keyboard. Yesterday's rants are nothing compared to the 4.6 kilotonne cerebral detonation that occurred in my home a couple of hours ago.
I'm calmed down now. In fact-- What were fighting about, anyway?
It's me--back to my usual loveable, bundle-of-joy, true, sweet, cuddly self.
I'm sorry I said...whatever I said...and I'm sorry I stuck my tongue out at you. Both times. Here's a big fat kiss:
...just for you.
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