If this were a movie, the cops would have lowered a giant magnet by Chinook helicopter, picked that car up and accidently dropped it into the closest big body of very deep water.
My coworker just suggested something similar. Pick him up with a big crane and move him off the roadway so traffic can get going. If it happens to be in a pond, well, sucks for him.
Or at least moved it to the side street so that they could get the freeway back open!
As someone earlier asked, where's the Turminaytah when we need him?
Just pull up a tow-truck like the repro-men use and snatch the damn van off to a safe place. This is one serious bozo party.