Mark Steyn - Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

The Spectator ^ | June 1, 2005 | Mark Steyn

[quidnunc]

Vengeance is mine, saith the Sith, whith thoundth like Violet Elizabeth Bott. No such luck. Instead, it’s George Lucas, with what he insists is the final film in the Star Wars sextet. My guess is the first film in the new Star Wars septet will be opening circa 2008. Anyway, Revenge of the Sith is, so Lucas assures us, a ‘tragedy’. It might have been wise to have stationed an announcer at every movie house to announce this fact over the PA system since it eluded the audience I saw it with last weekend. When the Sith hits the fan, the fan bursts out laughing. Oh, to be sure, they were diverted by the opening dogfight and Obi-Wan Kenobi riding a wild four-legged space beast to hunt down General Grievous. But they were howling with laughter through all the so-called ‘tragic’ elements. When Senator-Queen Padmé (Natalie Portman) reveals that she’s pregnant, her secret husband Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) reacts with an eerie glassy-eyed expression as if he’s hypnotised himself trying to remember the next line. Eventually, Lucas prompts him and he utters the words, ‘I’ll have the club sandwich.’ No, wait. That’s just what it sounds like. He actually says: ‘You’re so … beautiful.’

‘It’s only because I’m so in love,’ says Padmé tonelessly, like a spy giving the reply password.

‘No,’ says Anakin. ‘I’m so in love. With you,’ he adds helpfully, just in case Padmé figures it’s the hot-looking Wookie strolling by in the background.

At this, my fellow theatergoers exploded with guffaws of derision. May the farce be with you! The final descent of Ian McDiarmid’s Chancellor Palpatine into Darth Hammitup brought on more laffs, as did the moment when Anakin attempts to talk Padmé into joining him over on the Dark Side: ‘Together you and I can rule the galaxy,’ he snarls. Well, tries to snarl.

‘Obi-Wan was right. You’ve changed,’ says Princess Padmé. ‘I don’t know you any more.’ He used to look like Princess Di flashing those big eyes from under his hair. But suddenly he looks like Princess Di with too much kohl and in a peevish mood. What can this mean?

-snip-

[ocr1]

"The Empire Strikes Back" rules over them all.

[theFIRMbss]

>I'll never understand the Star Wars thing

You say black I say white
You say bark I say bite
You say shark I say, "Hey man
Jaws was never my scene
And I don't like Star Wars!"

You say Rolls I say Royce
You say God give me a choice
You say Lord I say Christ
I don't believe in Peter Pan
Frankenstein or Superman
All I wanna do is...

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my--

Bicycle races are coming your way
So forget all your duties oh yeah!

Fat bottomed girls
They'll be riding today
So look out for those beauties oh yeah
On your marks get set go!

[myrabach]

I did like the movie, but the acting was a hoot! We laughed our way through many of the lines. However, it was fun, certainly not meant to be taken as serious theatre.

I do say that Anakin was not believable at all. He was a cute little kid and it ended there. I don't think I will be able to take Darth Vader seriously ever again!

[quidnunc]

In case you missed it, in the wee small hours of the morning I posted a Steyn article from the NY Sun here:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1414217/posts

[prairiebreeze]

‘If you’re not with me, you are my enemy.’ Uh-oh. Anakin seems to be transmogrifying into Darth W. Bush.

I've read that Lucas vented his anti-Bush opinions with this film. I don't plan to see it. The first two were good. The third, with the furry bears, was OK but not as good as the first two.

Lucas should've quit while he was ahead.

[LS]

I always wanted to see Yoda, in this episode, saying "Many sequels I see. Much money we'll make. Toys there will be."

[BenLurkin]

Spot on if you ask me!

[TeenagedConservative]

It was a good movie. Except that absolutes line ruined the scene. Not just because of my conservatism, either. The whole audience let out snickers and snorts of derision at this contradiction. It destroyed an otherwise moving moment.

[Xenalyte]

Presumably actors say yes to Lucas because they figure Star Wars will do for them what it did for Harrison Ford. Instead, Lucas turns everyone he touches into Mark Hamill.

Ooooh, snap!

[Semper Paratus]

I'll always like the bar scene in the first movie which I saw on my honeymoon.

[Schwaeky]

No, b/c if Lucas does 7, 8, and 9, Hayden Christensen will be back as a Force Ghost (remember Obi Wan in episodes 5 and 6 after Vader already killed him), and likely since Alec Guiness is dead, so would Ewan McGreggor.

[kaylar]

Well, we'll never have to see Hayden Christensen in a movie again.

That's exactly what I thought about Leonardo DiCaprio after seeing Titanic.

[js1138]

Should read: Much sadness in you I sense.

[Xenalyte]

Now get on your bikes and RIDE!

[Romish_Papist]

Agreed.

[Kirkwood]

"The only movies I can watch more than once or twice are comedies, and darn few of them."

I know I'm crazy, but I've seen Groundhog Day dozens of times. Which is kind of ironic since the movie is about living a day over and over and over.

[ProudVet77]

I'll always like the bar scene in the first movie which I saw on my honeymoon.

Coastie, we have to talk about priorities.
Navy ;)

[ProudVet77]

No, b/c if Lucas does 7, 8, and 9, Hayden Christensen will be back as a Force Ghost (remember Obi Wan in episodes 5 and 6 after Vader already killed him), and likely since Alec Guiness is dead, so would Ewan McGreggor.

I worry about you too, that you know this level of detail. ;)

[AmishDude]

ping

[The_Reader_David]

Oh, see it.

C'mon, the Jedi were shown to be faux Zen Buddhists from the moment Yoda made his screen debut. Escape from the distinction between 'this and that' is Buddhist stock and trade. You expect them to go for sharp distinctions?

"If you're not with me, you're my enemy" is contextualized by Vader proposing to establish himself as Galactic Emperor, and Obi-Wan appealing to democracy. (If it represent Bush, it represents Bush dueling with himself, and whether you're for or against Bush's policies, the tension between the necessity of empire we've had post-9/11 and maintaining a democratic republic is worth thinking about, even if it's being called to mind by comic-book characters rendered larger than life on the big screen.)