"Hello, you've reached the Suicide Hotline. We're closed now, but please select from the following automated menu. If you plan to jump from a bridge or tall building, press 1. If you are using a firearm, press 2. Please note, only firearms registered in the Canadian National Firearms Registry may be used. If you are jumping in front of a train, press 3. You will be routed to Rail Canada for schedules."
"Working 9 to 5...no other time to take a killing..."
LOL!