That isn't a reason to despise other Southerners who just as validly looked back to Jefferson and recognized overweening theories of federal power when they saw them.
Lincoln's theory of Union was just Hamilton warmed over. The fly in Lincoln's ointment being that Hamilton's vision wasn't the one, in the end, that the People accepted. They specifically and explicitly rejected amalgamation into a nation-state.
That Lincoln made us into one anyway, by force of arms, without the People's consent and against our interest because the business community wanted it, causes us to draw what conclusions about Lincoln's politics of war instead of votes?
So you're a Southern Unionist whose ancestors broke with their neighbors -- their States -- to make common cause with the Union, in memory of Andrew Jackson's vision. That isn't a reason to despise other Southerners who just as validly looked back to Jefferson and recognized overweening theories of federal power when they saw them.
But I don't hate the Confederate soldiers who fought for honorable convictions in the 1860s nor their present day descendants who honor their heritage without hate. But my model of the Confederate movement of the 1860s is that of a lot of ordinary honorable Southern men from Robert E. Lee to the private rifleman being suckered to fight the slave oligarchy's battles. Lincoln is demonized for not being a 100% saint in his motives, but the underlying slavery cause behind at the first wave secessions in particular is often glossed over.