Why I'm not a 'South Park Conservative', by Michelle Malkin

Townhall.com ^ | May 4, 2005 | Michelle Malkin

[OESY]

I'll get to First Lady Laura Bush's bawdy stand-up routine in a minute. But I want to highlight a related new book out about how young conservatives are shaking up the dominant liberal media culture. It's called "South Park Conservatives." My name is listed on the cover along with many other (mostly) right-leaning pundits, websites, and bloggers, but I must confess to having mixed feelings about the honor.

The best-selling book's author, Brian C. Anderson of the Manhattan Institute, writes a fun, breezy survey documenting the rise of talk radio, FOX News, the Internet, conservative publishing, and college Republican activism. Anderson's chapter on the success of conservative talk radio and the abysmal failure of liberal Air America to replicate it is incisive. Another chapter on the blogosphere (alone worth the price of the book) gives readers a useful history of the explosion of news, opinion, and political websites that have smashed the left-wing media monopoly.

But how did such a wide-ranging list of individuals and organizations -- Anderson's book cover includes the names of conservative-leaning Internet pioneer Matt Drudge and center-left journalist Mickey Kaus, the libertarian Tech Central Station, the culturally conservative WorldNetDaily, political upstart Arnold Schwarzenegger and political chameleon Andrew Sullivan, plus Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, and myself, along with a feature blurb from Jonah Goldberg -- all get lumped under the umbrella term "South Park Conservatives"?

Anderson argues that Comedy Central's cartoon series "South Park" embodies the "fiercely anti-liberal comedic spirit" of the "new media" from Kaus to Coulter. The cartoon, he writes, reflects a "post-liberal counterculture" that is "particularly appealing to the young, however much it might offend older conservatives."

Well, I'm 34 and no fan of "South Park." I have many good friends who are indeed huge boosters of the show, but I find that the characters' foul language overwhelms any entertainment I might otherwise derive from the show's occasional, right-leaning iconoclastic themes.

"South Park" may be "politically incorrect." But "politically incorrect" is not always a synonym for "conservative."

My discomfort with "South Park's" increasingly mainstream vulgarity is not a matter of nitpicking. We're not just talking about a stray curse word here or there. As liberal New York Times columnist Frank Rich points out, "South Park" "holds the record for the largest number of bleeped-out repetitions (162) of a single four-letter expletive in a single television half-hour." That's probably about the same number of profanities uttered at John Kerry's infamous New York City celebrity fundraiser last summer, which Republicans rightly condemned for its excessive obscenities.

Rich is wrong about most things, but he's painfully on target in noting the incongruous pandering now taking place by some in the cool-kids clique on the Right. Conservatives criticize Hollywood relentlessly, but as Rich notes, "the embarrassing reality is that they want to be hip, too."

Which brings me to Mrs. Bush. She demonstrated at the celebrity-studded White House Correspondents' Dinner this weekend that you can entertain without being profane. Most of her humor was just right: Edgy but not over the edge. But her off-color stripper and horse jokes crossed the line. Can you blame Howard Stern for feeling peeved and perplexed? And let's face it: If Teresa ("I'm cheeky!") Heinz Kerry had delivered Mrs. Bush's First Lady Gone Mildly Wild routine, social conservative pundits would be up in arms over her bad taste and lack of dignity.

The First Lady resorting to horse masturbation jokes is not much better than Whoopi Goldberg trafficking in dumb puns on the Bush family name. It was wholly unnecessary.

Self-censorship is a conservative value. In a brilliant commencement speech at Hillsdale College last year, Heritage Foundation president Ed Feulner called on his audience to resist the coarsened rhetoric of our time: "If we are to prevail as a free, self-governing people, we must first govern our tongues and our pens. Restoring civility to public discourse is not an option. It is a necessity."

Lighten up, you say? No thanks. I'd rather be a G-rated conservative who can only make my kids giggle than a "South Park"/"Desperate Housewives" conservative whose goal is getting Richard Gere and Jane Fonda to snicker. Giving the Hollyweird Left the last laugh is not my idea of success.

[baseballmom]

OMG

ROFLMPJO,

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL




shame on you onyx, lol lol

[tiamat]

One of my sisters actually did that.

Tried to milk a billy-goat. My sister was little at the time and was trying to "help".

Billy was NOT pleased.

[new cruelty]

The First Lady resorting to horse masturbation jokes is not much better than Whoopi Goldberg trafficking in dumb puns on the Bush family name. It was wholly unnecessary.

I took Laura's horse comment as a JOKE about someone who is so inept at ranching that they cannot tell the difference between a cow and a male horse. Michelle, someone with a mind less nasty than yours sees this as a joke about a fish out of water. You see it as vulgar gossip about a man diddling a horse. Bottom line, you may act prim and proper, but your filthy dirty mind is unable to comprehend the joke. Your article is wholly unnessary. Come clean about yourself and try again another time.

No, my first name ain't baby, it's Michelle... Ms. Malkin if your nasty.

[Howlin]

"Well, we're all out of cake!"

[cubreporter]

I stick by my post #176.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

Tell me, when you see two oranges in a bowl, do you immediately think of breasts?

Well, I didn't until now.

Cantaloupes, on the other hand....

[tiamat]

I will do that thing!

he seemss good and weird, and there seems to be a lot haaving to do with his sshoes...

Thank you for the compliment, and for the hook-up to a fun thing!

[BigSkyFreeper]

Ah yeah, Cinco de Mayo! ;D

[melancholy]

>>LONG before any male anatomy came into play.<<

ROTFL!! Sorry, couldn't help it!

It's MM's fault, not Bush, for a change!

[onyx]

Yes! Peach, you've nailed it!

WE are WRONG because WE did NOT interpret the farm joke in its raunchiest flavor!

[Howlin]

You and your cohorts have crossed that line many, many times over the last few days.

That's the view from your side of the issue; myself, I was more offended when Laura Bush was called a "slut," "white trash," and a "whore," which, as you said, you didn't even pay attention to.

[itsahoot]

A few years ago, she would have been well over the line.

Each generation takes to excess, what the preceding generation accepted in moderation.

Don't know the source of this quote, but it is surely accurate. One only needs to note the discourse on this forum over the past several years to see that it is true.

[McGavin999]

The First Lady resorting to horse masturbation jokes is not much better than Whoopi Goldberg trafficking in dumb puns on the Bush family name. It was wholly unnecessary.

LOL, horse masturbation? You can sure tell people who have never been around a stud horse or a bull. What kind of mind would even think such a thing?

[Howlin]

LOL.......hey, I'm not sure of the syntax, but you got my point.

[onyx]

LOL-LOL-LOL now you're making me laugh at my own post, and I was serious when I wrote it (well sort of serious)! LOL!

[RushCrush]

Selective FReeping -being practiced by dirtboy!

[Tulane]

And I salute you, Sir!

[paltz]

Contrary to the liberal AND conservative hand-wringers on FR and elsewhere, Laura Bush is human. She has a sense of humor. That sense of humor -- much like all of ours -- looks to be off-color at times. OK. So what?

If you have that much of a problem, I'd adivse you to turn off the TV, turn off the computer, and come out of your compound and into the real world.

Having off-color comments during what amounts to a "roast" is not only OK, it's not (as some posters here would have us all believe) anti-Christian.

If you're upset that she's watching product of the "depraved" shows from Hollywood like Desperate Housewives on Sunday nights as opposed to whatever PAX is running (at least until the PAX network schedule is cancelled at the end of next month to be replaced with infomercials), then you're welcome to turn to something else and get over it. You don't have the right to demand that Laura Bush not watch certain things on television -- unless someone forgot to tell me that the Thought Police had begun to rule recently.

[tiamat]

Really?

People said that stuff about Laura?

I think I am glad I've been out of town.

I've missed it til now.

[Howlin]

Believe me, after the first five minutes, you won't even notice the makeup!