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I just got a super secret email with this early draft of the Jennifer statement. Here it is:

First, I would like to thank all the people who were worried about me on my recent trip. I know many of them prayed to God that I would be found alive. I am very glad your prayers were answered.

For those who are now mad at me for deciding to do a bit of traveling, I have only one word for you - Get Over It. I guess if I want to hop a Greyhound, I can. None of your business what I do on vacation. And for those of you who are jealous of my nice wedding and my 8 showers, I've got good news - now I've got time to have a few more but you will not be invited.

To my loving husband to be - I almost got cold feet and had to have a few days to think things thru. During that time I realized you are indeed the man for me. Thank you.

To the money-mad mayor of my home town - sorry witch, but I didn't ask you to spend an extra dime on me so bug off. By the way, you might want to explain to the taxpayers how you managed to spend $60,000 in cop overtime in only 3 days. Do the math.

To the prosecutor who is thinking about charging me - go ahead, make my day. You'll end up working for me when my lawyers get thru with you. You had some fat man who said he was the sheriff break into my phone call with hubby. I thought he sounded like some insane lunatic. No way anyone could think that was a real cop. Now that I've seen him, I still can't see how it's possible. I did tell the Arizona police a bit of a fib, but they're OK with it, so butt out you pompous as*.

And finally to Sean Hannity who's been spouting some drivel about me being insane and needing to make restitution - get real and just shut your pie hole. I did not suffer any kind of mental illness nor did I have to ask your or anyone's permission to hit the road. Nor will I pay a thin dime or do a second of "community service". You do it if you want to. So just get back to butting into the talk of your guests with another story about how you work out.