Practicing touch and go's?
Manually extending the landing gear?
Inflating the life raft?
Trying to join the foot-high club?
Putting more stick time on his record.
"Uh, O'Hare, making approach on runway (static) Alpha-Niner-Niner."
"Roger."
"No, this is Roy."
"Roger that."
"No, this is Roy Clemmons."
"Roger, Roy Clemmons."
"Uh, O'Hare, Roy is my first name, not my middle name."
"OK. You're cleared to land, Roy."
"O'Hare, I'm having difficulty controlling the stick. It seems to be locked into a left approach. Requesting permission to divert to Meigs."
"Roger, that would mean banking right."
"O'Hare, this is Roy, and I already have a secure savings account. I need authorization to divert to Meigs. I keep trying to pull the stick right, but it is very hard."
"OK, veer left and come full circle."
Oh God! An engine just blew! O'Hare, requesting a hand here; I'm flying naked."
END TRANSCRIPT