Never Mind Justice. How About Just Deserts?

IN a world where executive perp walks have lost their novelty, where's the justice? Investors who have seen executives drive their companies off a cliff don't necessarily gain succor from such parades, or from the dry sentences and fines that may be doled out by a jury. They crave that deeper, more satisfying sense of justice that comes from seeing somebody get what they think he truly deserves.

The difference between court justice and what I'd like to call "sublime justice" is not a difficult concept. But it's a bit nuanced, so here's an example. It seems that Kenneth L. Lay, the former Enron chairman who faces trial next January on fraud charges, has paid Google, the online search service, to place ads next to or above searches about Enron and related topics and direct people to a site that gives his side of the story. (According to this Web site, he's not a crook.)

The links also appear in searches involving the bylines of some reporters, like Mary Flood of The Houston Chronicle and Kurt Eichenwald of The New York Times. A quick check of the Google "AdWords" site suggests that Mr. Lay pays about $25 a day for linking ads to the searches. Every time someone uses Google to search for sites about "Ken Lay" or "Enron," among other terms, and then clicks on the link to the kenlayinfo.com site, that click costs Mr. Lay a little less than a dime. His case hasn't yet gone to trial, but he's trying to score points in the court of public opinion, and he's willing to pay for it.

Here's where the concept of sublime justice comes in. For some former Enron workers, who had nothing to do with the shenanigans at the top but who saw their nest egg of company stock destroyed, the invitation to make Mr. Lay pay, even a little, was too good to pass up. A former executive of the company acknowledges that when he first heard about the AdWords arrangement, "I just clicked three or four times, you know; Ka-ching! Ka-ching! Ka-ching!"

This form of revenge is small and nattering: it literally nickels-and-dimes Mr. Lay. But how perfect is that, the former employees argue, since Mr. Lay's wife complained on national television that they were being pauperized by the fall of Enron and would have to sell some of their houses? "It's kind of like making a prank phone call," the former executive said. "It just had that old sophomoric, feel-good mischievousness about it."

It's click revenge, and investors can try it, too, by going to google.com and searching for information on Ken Lay - solely, of course, to explore Mr. Lay's point of view. Click on the ad on the screen, the one that says, "Learn the Truth About Ken Lay."

It's the kind of justice that Gilbert and Sullivan talked about in "The Mikado," where big bores would be sentenced to sit through hours-long sermons, and billiard sharps would have to play "on a cloth untrue/With a twisted cue/And elliptical billiard balls." The chorus goes on to say:

This idea of sublime justice needs to get around. The lovely thing about it is that it doesn't depend on the criminal justice system, which can be so slow and unsatisfying. It doesn't even require a finding in a court of law that someone has committed a crime. They can just be guilty of overweening greed, stupidity or arrogance.

These chief executives reveled in being the symbols of their company when times were good; they shouldn't be able to escape the hot lights when things turn around. For mutual fund investors who saw their own investments shrink after having watched these chief executives strut on the media stage and wallow in their fame and wealth, a little sublime justice might be just the thing.

Let's see. Start with L. Dennis Kozlowski of Tyco International, whose high living was symbolized by the birthday bacchanal for his wife that included an ice sculpture of Michelangelo's David that dispensed vodka in a manner that suggested urination. Perhaps he should have to drink from similar statues for ever more, to remind him of those former excesses. The statues could dispense discolored water and cheap, warm beer.

Derek V. Smith, the chief executive of ChoicePoint, gathered billions of bits of data on millions of Americans - and then the company sold the information on some 150,000 Americans to identity thieves who posed as legitimate customers; the stock tumbled. Mr. Smith says that databases can make us safer and more secure, and argued the case in his book, titled - wait for it - "Risk Revolution: The Threats Facing America and Technology's Promise for a Safer Tomorrow." Sublime justice for his company having exposed so many people to risk? Maybe he should have to walk up Wall Street in the emperor's new clothes.

But maybe the best sublime justice should be doled out to Bernard J. Ebbers, convicted last month of looting WorldCom. Once hailed as a brilliant captain of industry, he had to plead stupidity and incompetence in hopes of escaping a guilty verdict. He was convicted anyway.

Maybe Mr. Ebbers should also be sentenced to keep a phone to his ear, even surgically attached. And every few seconds, a burned investor could ring him up, simply to shout, "Can you hear me now?"

Never Mind Justice. How About Just Deserts?

What, you mean like, the Sahara? The Mojave?

Just Deserts -- is that, like, an Arab travel agency?

In effect, you're bringing back the stocks. Not a bad idea. I've thought for a long time that putting shoplifters in the stocks in front of the store they robbed, with the object they stole and a sign that says "I stole from Wal-Mart" would stop shoplifting in its tracks. You could use this in school too. A sign that says "I spit at my teacher" or "I plagarized my term paper" or "I am a bully" over a kid in the stocks would bring back the idea that there are standards and consequences for breaking them.

What, you mean like, the Sahara? The Mojave?

Ratz. You beat me. : (

This is probably part of the MSM's campaign against Tom DeLay. Designed to reach the dyslexic and/or sloppy by means of similar name.

In effect, you're bringing back the stocks. Not a bad idea.

I've always thought the stocks in the public square was the perfect penalty for non-violent crimes. (For the violent offenders, bring back public stoning.)

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