In this spirit, I throw my hat into the ring. And unlike the other candidates, I actually am Catholic.
If selected, I will bring back the Inquisition and apply it to so-called liberal "intellectuals" trying to undermine the Church's moral message.
I will set the Swiss guards on ABC, CBS and NBC reporters.
I will refer to Socialists in all my public proclamations as "amoral bastards".
If there is another Terri Schiavo, I will bring her water personally and I will excommunicate anyone who tries to get in my way.
I will excommunicate the entire Kennedy family.
I will maintain good relations with the Anglicans, but will excommunicate Gene Robinson.
I will not be visiting any mosques.
Bono, and most other pop stars are not welcome. Ted Nugent, however, may come.
I will bring back the Latin Mass with a vengeance.
New "politically correct" versions of the Bible will be burned in a massive bonfire in St. Peter's Square.
Oh, and Pope John Paul II will be made a Saint.
Regards,
Pope Ivan I (Just kidding)
this one upsmanship doesn't bode well for your selection!
ampu