Posted on 04/02/2005 10:00:50 AM PST by Grampa Dave
What if? Three Steps to Take Now to Prepare
A Suze Orman exclusive
Here’s what you need to do to make sure you, and your family, are never put into that position.
1. Tell Your Doctors What You Want Make it clear to your doctors exactly what you want them to do, and not to do, if you are too ill to express your wishes. In a written document called an Advance Directive, lay out the specific types of medical care you want if you are in a coma or have a terminal illness. (Advance Directives are sometimes called Living Wills.)
This document should include instructions on whether you want to be kept alive if you have a terminal illness that will result in your death in a short period of time, you have been in a coma for more than seven days with no hope that you will emerge from it, or the burdens of any treatment that would outweigh the expected benefits. You need a doc that tells your Doc what you want.
Once you complete the form, it only becomes effective when you sign it. Different states have different rules on whether your signature needs to be witnessed or notarized. My advice is to do both: Get two witnesses, plus a notary, just to make sure no one can challenge your document.
Give all your doctors a copy of your Advance Directive to keep in your medical file. Give a copy to each member of your family as well and discuss it with them so they are clear on what you want.
An Advance Directive by itself doesn’t provide you complete protection. In one recent study, 65 percent of doctors’ decisions did not follow the instructions laid out in patients’ Advance Directives to the letter.
This brings us to our second document….
2. Appoint an Agent to Ensure Your Advance Directive Is Followed Let’s get grim for a second: You have suffered a horrible injury or are in the late stages of a terminal illness, and you can no longer communicate. And at least one doctor or relative starts to question the wishes laid out in your Advance Directive.
To make sure your wishes simply shut down the debate, you need a second document: a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. This officially appoints another person to represent you if you cannot communicate for yourself and to make sure every detail you specified in your Advance Directive is complied with. The technical term for this person is an "agent." Your DPOA lets you appoint an agent to keep everyone on track. (Just to avoid confusion: In some states, this document is also known as a Health Care Proxy.)
I want you to choose just one person to be your agent. It should be the person you trust most to honor your wishes—and that person must be willing to actively fight for you in conversations with doctors and family. Don’t make the mistake of trying to be "fair" by appointing all your children as agents or giving the job to your spouse plus another family member. As well-intentioned as I know you are—you don’t want to ruffle feathers—having more than one agent increases the odds of discord and not getting your wishes followed. It opens the door just a smidge for different opinions. Keep it simple, by choosing just one agent.
Your agent should be someone who lives nearby and can get to a local hospital in a snap if necessary. Don’t give the job to someone halfway around the globe.
3. Get the Documents, Now Each state has its own Advance Directive. But the truth is, almost any state's form will hold up in another state. This form on my site is the one attorneys consider the gold standard for both Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care and Advance Directive. You can also go to the Partnership for Caring (link to www.partnershipforcaring.org) where you can download an Advance Directive form for your state. But, please remember, you need both forms mentioned above.
Okay, let’s recap: To give yourself the ultimate in peace of mind, you need both an Advance Directive to specify what you want and a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care that designates an "agent" to represent your wishes if you can no longer speak for yourself.
It is that simple. And please know you can always make changes to these documents. Just create and sign new versions, with the more recent date clearly displayed. Then send the new versions to everyone who has a copy of the old documents and include a letter asking each person to destroy the earlier documents since they no longer represent your wishes.
And then rest easy.
Gosh. This could really turn into a great windfall for Lawyers.
I realize this is going to open a whole nuther can of worms. But .. we must try to stop this wholesale murder by judge.
In that case, it MIGHT help to have a video with the individual concerned testifying in front of 5 or so trusted and sympathetic friends and relatives who would support her statements or his statements after death. A signed document and a witnessed video with the people who will later testify in support of what was said on the video, would be hard for a court to deny, I'd think.
being the layman that I am. And, all bets are off in FL.
Any such document should be certain to specify that it may not be modified in such a manner as to hasten death, except by a change effected in the form of a handwritten document, a notarized document, an original analog video recorded statement, or some other authenticable tangible medium. Not to say that some judge won't allow hearsay to override it nonetheless, but still a good thing to put in anyway.
True. My mother's case was entirely different.
I will use your reply below to wake up a few relatives and friends we know.
"Last week, my sister told me that she doesn't want to live like Terri Schiavo. So I told her to make sure her will says that she wants to be starved and dehydrated to death because otherwise I won't let it happen (unless Judenfurher Greer MAKES it happen).
At the thought of being starved and dehydrated to death over l3 agonizing days, she seemed to have changed her mind."
You have an excellent point here:
"Any such document should be certain to specify that it may not be modified in such a manner as to hasten death!"
"Gosh. This could really turn into a great windfall for Lawyers."
They all ways win. This could even be bigger for them than gay marriages and the messy divorces a few months after each gay marriage.
Step 1: Crack down on out of control judges.
There was somebody on here a while back who wanted to do away with so called Living Wills. I wish I coult find the thread. Basically they said it just encouraged the Culture of Death.
Is this what you were looking for?
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1375694/posts
Thanks for the ping!
I hope everyone has learned this lesson.
"I hope everyone has learned this lesson."
We have a lot of young/successful relatives, who haven't learned this lesson.
We know a lot of people, who are our age, 60 something, who haven't learned this lesson.
A 40 something friend whose parents died this past two years has a new summary close with his friends and relatives who are dragging their feet on these issues.
He tells them if they want to die like Terri did with over two weeks of starvation and dehydration, they should continue to keep their heads in the sand. They can leave that decision up to liberal California judges/lawyers and the death industry. He called up everyone of them and told them that he would just stand back and watch the courts do whatever, unless they documented what they wanted to happen. Apparently it was a big wake up call for them.
He told me yesterday at church, his two brothers, their wives and his sister and her husband will be having private discussions this week. Then, all of them will have a family meeting this weekend to get their wishes in writing, on video with witnesses for the paperwork and video.
His older brother has a 20 something son and daughter in Stanford. They at first refused to participate, until brother said that since they were over 21, they had to participate. If they didn't, he wouldn't participate in funding their education after the family meeting this weekend. Both of them will be there.
I did this 7 years ago when my grandmother was dying from Alzheimers. Got my kids to do it after they became of age. I hope that more people will do it so that they aren't in the situation we all just witnessed.
My mother in law died last year from Alzheimers. One of her sons, one of my wife's brothers still hasn't stepped up to the plate to get his desire's/wants in writing. None of his 4 adult children have done anything.
The "It won't happen to me" crowd. Every family has some.
You nailed it: "The "It won't happen to me" crowd. Every family has some."
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