Well, if you insist. :-)
Apr 1, 2005 - 6:30 AM CST
HOUSTON, Tx. (AP) -- In what local veterinarians are describing as a modern-day miracle, a mongrel dog has survived life-threatening injuries when he was run over by an old friend and acquaintance, Nita Nupress. The dog, identified only as "Dog Gone," is currently clinging to life at the Mother of Canine Mercy Veterinary Hospital on 10th Street.
Initial reports from the scene by Houston Animal Control officers stated that the dog had sustained such disfiguring injuries that he was thought to be deceased. The officers were scooping the dog remains up off the pavement when one of them noticed a slight movement of a paw. They then rushed the dog to the hospital in heroic efforts to save his life.
Witnesses to the event stated that the dog appeared to have "lost it," attacking Ms. Nupress, and her frail, elderly grandmother in Nupress's driveway. Fearing for their lives, Ms. Nupress ran her automobile back and forth over the dog several times, causing the severe injuries.
"The maniacal mutt was out of control," said Nupress. "He just lost it. There I was, with my 92-year-old grandmother in the passenger seat and backing out of my driveway on our way to church. All of a sudden, he jumped up on the windshield of my car, drooling and growling and baring his teeth his teeth at us. What else could I do? Friend or no friend, he's been a crazed, rabid monster every since Bill Clinton took over as President."
Witnesses at the scene say that after the dog threatened the women, Ms. Nupress pulled out her SuperCharger-500 Super Soaker water gun from the back seat and sprayed him with it, causing him to lose his grip. When the crazed dog fell to the paved driveway, Ms. Nupress ran over the dog several times, causing the life-threatening injuries.
"I just had to take matters into my own hands," said Nupress. "He went wacko, that's all there is to it! I looked over and saw Granny hyperventilating and holding her heart, so I knew I had to do something, and quick. I'm just thankful I had my Super Soaker cocked and loaded."
Officials are not expected to press charges against Nupress, stating they believe she was justified in her defensive driving actions and acted in self defense.
A bedside doggie vigil is being held for Dog Gone at the Mother of Canine Mercy Animal Hospital on 10th Street, with his dog pound poochie friends gathered on the premises. Doctors say that the injured dog is so disfigured and maimed that his friends are unable to remain at the bedside.
"We're just hoping he will cling to life long enough to see his next birthday," one friend said. "We know he was rather strange, but we kinda liked him anyway. He was like family to us."
AP-04-01-2005 0630 CST All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
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How's that for a 'blast to the past?' ;-)