I'd love my kids in a different way than my husband. But if my love for my husband lessens to the point where I don't want him physically as much as I used to, where I spend more time talking nonsense with children than having the kinds of intimate, brilliant discussions I used to have with him, where I go around looking like a frump all the time and don't care about attracting him anymore, then that is a problem!
I don't think the kids should come first in a family. The relationship between the husband, the wife and God is the foundation.
Who said anything about not being a wife? Loving my child more doesn't mean I can't also be a good wife.