That was a lovely post Two-Bits and I appreciate your tone in addressing this difficult issue.
I have posted my family's story on FR several times now, but we HAVE walked in Terri's families shoes. Twice. Once for removal of a feeding tube on the recommendation of doctors after it became clear that nothing could be done following a massive stroke. It was my husband's aunt who was like a mother to him. She could have lived for years on machines.
The other was my lovely, sweet stepsister and my stepdad who I love and call dad had to make the ultimate decision to have his daughter removed from life support equipment. And she could have lived for years on machines. If anyone can call that living. In our view, they had already died. It was only their bodies here and machines and modern technology were keeping them alive.
Neither of those two people had Living Wills. And I have seen in my family and other families the torment this causes. But they carried out promises they long ago made to loved ones. It is the last thing we can do for them.
Have you ever stood by the bedside of someone hooked up to tubes and been told there is no hope? I've seen friends go through it and family members. Every time I'd visit the hospital there would be co-workers and other friends and family. Without fail, the person standing with me in the hallway or waiting room or at the end of the bed has said "Don't let that happen to me."
I understand fully that others feel differently. And the only good likely to come of all this is that perhaps people will think more carefully about how they want to die and ensure that their wishes are well known and documented. And if you wish to be kept alive by a feeding tube indefinitely, then you need to specifically mention that.
Anyway, I respsect your opinion and understand we aren't going to change each other's minds.
My sister died having ovarian cancer. When she was diagnosed, Stage IV, they only gave her 6 weeks. My sister decided to fight and do what she could to live. I don't know if you know the details regarding ovarian cancer but it is one of the most painful deaths to go thru. My sister was in the hospice hospital numerous times and they would tell her daughter she would not make it thru the night but she did and would go home after a couple of days. She remember one time, she heard the Doctor tell Lisa that she would not make it thru the night and heard her daughter crying. She said I could not talk but I was screaming in my head, "Baby don't cry, it is not my time yet" and totally pissed at the Doctor for upsetting her daughter. She would laugh and tell me if she was given a dollar for every time they told her she had just six days, she would be rich. My sister lived for two years and died on her terms. You could not give any member of our family any amount of money to take away those two years. You could not give my sister any amount of money to give up those two years no matter how painful it was for her. My sister went thru SEVERE PAIN and yet look forward and appreciated every day she was alive. I learned from her what TRUE HONEST LOVE IS. Never not even once did my sister complain, nor bemoan her fate. I thank God for those two years. She taught me how to live and love life and she drew our family very close. My sister was 45 when she died. She had just became a grandmother a year before she was first diagnosed. In those two years, she got to know her Granddaughter and her Granddaughter got to know her.
I know first hand what you speak of. We all have choices and if that choice is to die by man's hand than who am I to say different BUT when this person such as Terri has not been proven to give that decision than I have to err on life. I'm sorry for your losses and the difficult choices you had to make which I know could not have been easy but Peach, before my sister was diagnosed, I would have probably agreed with you but after what my sister showed me during those two years, well, I have to side with God's decision when it comes time for him to call you home. Peach taking someone off of a life support system vs starving someone to death is two entirely different matters. Please know I do not mean any disrespect with this comment.