I don't care what you believe ~ in '86 my mother had pancreatic cancer and the hospital pulled all life support on my request.
In '99 my MIL was placed in a convalescent hospital and all life support was removed at my wife's request.
Sorry to hear about your mother. From your descption, she was terminal due to something other than starvation when life support was suspended. Not sure what life support your MIL was on.
Listen, I'm not saying a spouse CAN'T be the surrogate. What I am saying is that this is not automatic. The paramount wish of the law is to give each patient, each of us, the power of self-determination. You have a problem with self-determination?