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Why Does God Hate Caribou?
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 3/23/5 | Mark Morford

Posted on 03/23/2005 7:52:01 AM PST by SmithL

God wants oil. This is the message. This is the belief. God wants more oil and also uranium and coal and iron and nuclear waste and whatever the hell else we want to pump into or out of this godforsaken lump of floating space rock. Word to the GOP.

In other words, God wants us, if the happily bleak and decidedly nasty interpretation of Bible verse currently extolled by the rabid evangelical mind-set now mauling the American political and social landscape is to be believed, to use up the Earth however we see fit and stomp all over this pointless ecological blob with our macho SUVs and manly tanks and badass army boots because it's all just one giant disposable sandbox o' fun anyway, right?

Hey, it's all part of the Master Plan to destroy the Earth and smite our enemies and hasten the arrival of the Rapture. Didn't you know?

We are all merely waiting until the Big Battle happens in Israel, the bloody clash between the True Believers and the Antichrist Heathens, to be followed immediately by Jesus gliding down on gilded wings made of fine Egyptian cotton and cheap American flags and wearing kickass robes of fire and ready to suck the true believers up to heaven through a giant Crazy Straw and wipe the whole goddamn secular slate clean. Right?

Crazy rantings, you might say.

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Culture/Society; Government; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: anwr; barebackbuckaroo; blueoyster; browntonguer; googargler; gravelinrectum; gritinthegroin; headboardbiter; morford; morfordite; oildriller; pantiesinawad; plugitup; saladtosser; sandinhisvagina; sandinvagina
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To: SmithL
God wants oil. This is the message.

For a moment there, I thought that Mark was claiming that God had sent an angel to touch his lips with a burning coal, with orders to speak His holy word.

But Mark is just satirizing the religious right. I think.

61 posted on 03/23/2005 9:50:00 AM PST by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: gov_bean_ counter

No, there is a difference. Otherwise, the entire area would be littered with caribou carcasses from artic tornadoes.


62 posted on 03/23/2005 10:22:36 AM PST by SmithL (Proud Submariner)
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To: SmithL; Dan from Michigan; Conspiracy Guy

God does not hate caribou's ...

He is just stringing them along for the ride.

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/103259.html

Giving them a leg up before their competition gets wired: the Moose.


63 posted on 03/23/2005 10:32:48 AM PST by Robert A Cook PE (I can only donate monthly, but Hillary's ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
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To: SmithL

I like caribou.....tastes like venison. :)


64 posted on 03/23/2005 10:40:38 AM PST by Dan from Michigan (Mark Sanford in 2008!!)
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To: SmithL
When is this open bigotry against Christianity from the media going to end? Could anyone even concive of this article being written with Jewish substituted in place of Christian and so forth? This a-hole would be attacked in every concievable way by the MSM had he written this article as a Jewish conspiracy.

Medford, stick to writting about topics you know something about, like boyfriends and sodomy rights. Why are you MSM guys so obsessed with Christians? Did we try to convert you once and now you have a vendetta against us?

65 posted on 03/23/2005 10:45:37 AM PST by Diplomat
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To: marty60
This guy needs a happy pill.

Someone used to post his picture between two pictures of Thorazine suppositories on these threads. That pretty much said it all!

66 posted on 03/23/2005 10:47:38 AM PST by Disambiguator
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To: SmithL
In case no one noticed, Mr. Mumford is engaged in the cheap rhetorical trick of misstating his opponents position then proceeding to demolish it. While this trick affords Mr. Mumford the opportunity to make a comfortable living without the dire necessity of acquiring useful skills, it does less than nothing to advance the arguments.

Mr. Mumford is not capable of engaging in serious arguments to defend his irrational, atavistic luddite position, to he makes a ludicrious strawman to attack with his risibly feeble ones.

Certainly Mr. Mumford's unquestioning acceptance of the scantity of a "pristine" wilderness elsewhere can be defended by faith alone. There is simply no rational argument for it.

In order to more fully advance Mr. Mumsford's creed, I suggest we embrace and have the Federal Government take all of San Fransisco by emminent domain, paying landholders $1.00/ acre, demolish the Hetchy-Ketch dam and restore the entire area to its pre-Columbian pristine state. Only without the Indian Casinos.

67 posted on 03/23/2005 10:48:20 AM PST by Lonesome in Massachussets (Deadcheck the embeds first.)
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To: SmithL
I used to think this guy's writings were just funny.

Now I think he has teetered over the edge into insanity.

68 posted on 03/23/2005 10:49:43 AM PST by Just another Joe (Warning: FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)
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To: SmithL
Why Does God Hate Caribou?

I knew God aways preferred the Moose!

69 posted on 03/23/2005 10:49:58 AM PST by Professional Engineer (My baby girl has the strongest little finger known to man.)
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To: SmithL

The whiny leftists should consider that it was mean, rich John D. Rockefeller and Standard Oil that saved the whales.


70 posted on 03/23/2005 11:15:07 AM PST by TC Rider (The United States Constitution © 1791. All Rights Reserved.)
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To: SmithL

Ever drive through Texas? Miles and miles of flatlands dotted with oil wells all surrounded by CATTLE! The drilling and production there dosen't seem to have hurt the beef industry. I wonder how many folks opposed to drilling ANWR eat Texas beef? Does god hate cattle?


71 posted on 03/23/2005 11:24:30 AM PST by Species8472 (ANWR - Drill now!)
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To: Diplomat
Why are you MSM guys so obsessed with Christians?

That's easy. Christians are the target because Christians believe that men aren't G-d and don't mind saying so. It's especially a pain when Christians insist that men don't have godlike sexual prowess.

Men HATE that.

Shalom.

72 posted on 03/23/2005 11:28:47 AM PST by ArGee (Why do we let the abnormal tell us what's normal?)
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To: SmithL
....as if this fart matter believed in God.......


73 posted on 03/23/2005 11:51:57 AM PST by Niteranger68 ("I am not a conservative because I am successful; I am successful because I am a conservative.")
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To: ArGee

lol, even worse when she's your wife.

You know, you're absolutely right on your larger point. And I think its somewhat consistent to what I explain to people I meet who aren't from America originally. Basically, that Hollywood/the media portrays every grouping of people in their worse possible light most of the time. Thus ignore it.

Taking it further, since we are veiwed as moralistic and self righteous and we are one of the largest groupings of peoples, it really couldn't be any other way than how it is now.

On a sadder note, it also explains why Jews have been attacked throughout all human time. Men who love self above all else are inherently evil. Evil, regardless of its source or motivation, but by its very nature, seeks out good to corrupt and destroy. Since Jews have been the greatest good and have been that way longer than any other known group of mankind, its logical to conclude that they would be attacked for their goodness alone. And thus they have been attacked for all time.

Its an honor to stand with you as a target of evil btw. And look, it only took us 7 millenia to climb to your level. Hope we stick around as long as you.

Take care friend.


74 posted on 03/23/2005 3:08:47 PM PST by Diplomat
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To: SmithL

Read the first line... couldn't read on. BULLSH*T!


75 posted on 03/23/2005 3:09:52 PM PST by RedBeaconNY (The greatest mystery to man, is man himself.)
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To: SmithL

What is exactly is Morford's objection to drilling for oil in Alaska? He regularly drills for various carbon-based products in San Francisco.


76 posted on 03/25/2005 9:46:26 AM PST by RightWingAtheist (Creationism is not conservative!)
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To: Lazamataz
Moose, on the other hand....


77 posted on 03/25/2005 9:50:52 AM PST by RightWingAtheist (Creationism is not conservative!)
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