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Norm MacDonald: In other entertainment news, one of the world's biggest stars just completed a whirlwind three week world tour. Tonight he's agreed to come to Update to tell us about it. Ladies and gentlemen, David Hasselhoff!

[Much applause for Hasselhoff who wears a leather Planet Hollywood jacket.]

David Hasselhoff: Thank you! Thank you very much! [laughs at all the applause] My recent world tour was an incredible experience. I went to twenty-one countries in just fifteen days and I've got some amazing stories to tell. In Japan, for instance- instance, I was invited to the state dinner at the Emperor's Palace. What I didn't know was the emp--

Norm MacDonald: Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hang on a second. Did you just say Japan?

David Hasselhoff: Yes, I did.

Norm MacDonald: Yeah, well, no offense, you know, but I don't think anybody cares about Japan. Why don't you, ah, why don't you focus on the countries where you're, you know, you're popular?

David Hasselhoff: Oh. Well, in China we had an incredible experience. The entire cast of "Baywatch" was invited to the Great Wall where hundreds of thousands of Chinese people were chanting in unison, "Baywatch, Ba--"

Norm MacDonald: Whoaaaaa, whoaaa. Wait, wait. Chinese people?

David Hasselhoff: Yes, of course.

Norm MacDonald: Look, why don't we skip China? In fact, rule out all of Asia.

David Hasselhoff: Okay, okay. Well, I mean, what do you want to hear about? I mean, I've got some great stories from all over the world.

Norm MacDonald: Oh, yeah? I was thinking, you know, ah, some place where you're especially popular, you know, like in, uh, Europe.

David Hasselhoff: Oh! Well, in Italy--

Norm MacDonald: Northern Europe, Northern Europe!

David Hasselhoff: Oh, I got you. I got you. Okay. I got you. There's one country that they absolutely love me -- Norway.

Norm MacDonald: Norway?! What, are you crazy?! They like everybody in Norway! Nobody gives a damn about Norway! What the hell's wrong with ya?

David Hasselhoff: Look, ah, what's going on here? I've never seen you like this.

Norm MacDonald: Well, ahhhh, to tell you the truth, you know, I didn't want to be the one to bring it up but, uh, what about Germany? I mean, how do the - how do the Germans feel about ya?

David Hasselhoff: Well, on this trip, we actually didn't stop in Germany--

Norm MacDonald: I don't care about your stupid trip!! Look, just tell me how you would characterize -- in one sentence -- the way Germans feel about you.

David Hasselhoff: Well, I've always been fortunate to get a very positive response from the Germans--

Norm MacDonald: Oh, my God! This is no time for false modesty! We're runnin' late, we gotta wrap this thing up! Do Germans love you?

David Hasselhoff: Well, "love" is an awfully strong word...

Norm MacDonald: [hand to head] Oh, listen, David, uh... Let's say a guy had a theory, all right?

David Hasselhoff: All right.

Norm MacDonald: A theory that he's devoted several years of his life to. And let's say he has a lot of evidence to back up this theory of his.

David Hasselhoff: All right.

Norm MacDonald: [puts a large pile of documents, file folders, etc., on desk -- Hasselhoff is stunned] Now, don't you think it would just be common courtesy to help that guy out, you know, and not - not ruin his life?

David Hasselhoff: Listen, I don't know what you want me to say here, pal.

Norm MacDonald: Oh my God, here, I'll write it down. [searches his pockets for a pencil, finds one, scribbles something on a piece of paper and gives it to David] Here! Say this!

David Hasselhoff: [puzzled, reads from paper] "Germans love me."

[Camera pans quickly from Hasselhoff to a beaming MacDonald who addresses the camera.]

Norm MacDonald: Which once again proves my theory: Germans love David Hasselhoff! [Cheers and applause.] And that's the news! See you next time. Thank you, David. [fusses with his pile of documents]

David Hasselhoff: [waves good-bye] Auf wiedersehen! [?], meine liebe! Auf wiedersehen! Auf wiedersehen!