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Alzheimer's is the worst thing I've ever seen happen to a human being. And I cannot imagine the suffering that your Dad, your Mother and you experienced. But I will say something that sounds odd, accept it or not, I believe the suffering of your Mother and yourself was a gift from God. Being busy in practical ways of helping your loved one, as she did, is immensely helpful also.

I couldn't stand the stress, at first, of being the sole family caregiver in my mother's case, but our doctor's secretary said to me, "Why should you be spared?" I recognized the truth and wisdom in that. Indeed, why should I be spared? And, from then, I had the strength and felt it was an honor. Although, as you say, it's horrific to see your beloved in a deteriorated condition. At least, we can witness with them while they go through the valley.