My uncle took it upon himself to have grandma have brain surgery following her stroke. She thought my child was her child (they have the same name), she fell out of a chair and blacked her eye, etc.
My mother was too far away and I was in Pennsylvania (Grandma was in California.)
I'm sorry. These sorts of things are made much more difficult by the geographical separation of families, and by the inability of families to agree upon the proper course of action.