Posted on 03/18/2005 12:36:58 AM PST by raccoonradio
Attorney General Tom Reilly has a nickname in political circles - ``Unfortunately.'' It's because the would-be governor's investigations always begin with great fanfare. But months later the probes invariably peter out, not with a bang, but a whimper, as T.S. Eliot would say. And the end is always the same: a press release that begins with words to the effect of ``Unfortunately . . .''
Tom Reilly. He isn't the state's top cop, he just plays one on TV. But with all his media attention this week, it's time to answer some of the most-often asked questions about the Inspector Clouseau of Massachusetts politics.
Q. Whatever happened to Reilly's investigation of the pedophile priests running wild in the Archdiocese of Boston?
A. Unfortunately . . .
Q. Didn't he take Microsoft to the U.S. Supreme Court? What happened in that case?
A. Unfortunately . . .
Q. I felt sorry for him when his home in Watertown burned down. Did the homeowner's insurance cover it?
A. Er, he didn't actually own the place on Palfrey Street. He rents an apartment.
Q. What? He rents an apartment? How old is he?
A. He doesn't list his age anymore in the Mass. Political Almanac, but he turned 63 on Valentine's Day.
Q. Does he ever take money from gangsters?
A. Not lately. But the first time he ran for AG, in 1998, one of Whitey Bulger's top hoods, Zip Connolly, duked him $100.
Q. Didn't everyone know by 1998 that Zip was dirty?
A. Everyone except Tom Reilly. He returned the money to Zip after his opponent called him on it.
Q. Anyone else from Winter Hill ever do the right thing by Reilly?
A. Not anyone from the gang, but the former state rep from Somerville, Vinny Piro, gave him $500. Vinny beat the attempted-extortion rap, by the way. Reilly sent back Vinny's money.
Q. Does Reilly take cash now from Big Dig banditos?
A. Only $35,000 or so, so far.
Q. Is he going to give it back?
A. Not unless somebody calls him on it, apparently.
Q. Let me guess - he went to BC Law School.
A. How did you ever guess? Class of '70
Q. Didn't he threaten once to go after Major League Baseball for collusion or some such thing?
A. Yes, but unfortunately . . .
Q. Is it true that the father of at least one of the expelled Milton Academy hockey players is tight with Tom?
A. Only in the same way that Zip and Vinny and all those sticky-fingered Big Dig contractors are.
Q. Any health issues?
A. He's had his knees replaced, but there's no truth to the rumor that he's planning a spine transplant before the campaign.
Q. Speaking of backbone, what does Reilly plan to do about the corrupt Legislature?
A. Absolutely nothing. Here's a recent quote on his plans for that collection of drunk-driving, non-taxpaying, Fat Matt-enabling reprobates: ``I won't tell the Legislature what to do.''
Q. Hasn't Reilly already conducted one Big Dig investigation? What happened with that one?
A. Unfortunately . . .
Q. How could the Cohasset snow-plow operator have avoided being nailed last week?
A. He could have been an illegal alien.
Q. So you're saying Reilly likes illegals?
A. Almost as much as he likes Big Dig contractors.
Q. And this guy is the front-runner for the Democratic nomination for governor?
A. Unfortunately . . .
Just a bit of news from the state where The Swimmer is running for re-election yet again, in 2006. He first took office the year of my birth, 1962.
OT: my favorite of these is "I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV"
Thanks for the post. Good Read.
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