To: HitmanNY
What do you mean there is no comparison between this situation and a male teacher/ female student? Please explain...
50 posted on
02/11/2005 10:18:02 AM PST by
jes
To: jes
Sure.
First you have to remember that there are extended physical consequences to sex that are exclusive to females. Pregnancy is the primary one I am thinking of - a female engaging in sex bears the risk of pregnancy, (though in normal circumstances does not bear the entire responsibility for pregnancy). There is no comparable physical consequence of sex on the part of males.
Because of this, there has been a longstanding (and I think largely legitimate) public policy concern to more closely guard and protect the sexuality of women more than to guard and protect the sexuality of men. That's commonly called a 'double standard' by those uncomfortable with the thought that men and women are somehow different, but in fact it is not a double standard (two different standards for the same thing), but rather it is two different standards for two different things.
This is mostly because of the significant difference in consequences of sex for men and women. A fleeting, thoughtless, or criminal sexual contact to a female may result in an unwanted pregnancy, which is a pretty major consequence that requires some tough decision making as well as the possibility of an extended physical commitment by the woman for almost a year, if she decides not to end the pregnancy.
A fleeting, thoughtless, or criminal sexual contact to a male has no comparable consequence.
Secondly, there is a significant risk of an adult male sex organ causing long term and permanent damage to a young female's sexual organs, maybe harming her ability to one day have children, or even compromise her physical ability to enjoy sexual satisfaction later in ife. That too is a physical consequence that females bear a risk that males bear no comparable risk at all.
(In the interest of full disclosure, I feel the need to point out that that many men would look upon a woman whose sexual wiles and skill might physically harm his sex organs with reluctant admiration and an almost overpowering intrigue and fascination).
To be fair, there are risks shared by both sexes (social disease, the fact that the person may be ill-equipped and unprepared for emotionally, etc), but these issues are always present in any sexual contact anyway, so while an issue, they appear on both sides of any permutation of the equation so they cancel out.
Those are probably the main public policy reasons for having the two different standards in this case.
I don't doubt that any adult who engages in sexual contact with a child is mentally ill and if convicted should be locked up. That being said, if you read the details of the allegations I think there are a total of 15 counts of sexual battery and 13 counts of statutory rape for acts between November and January.
As uncomfortable as it might make some folks feel, that's quite a bit of action in a relatively brief time. I don't doubt at all that the young man was strongly impressed with this very physically attractive woman (an entirely normal and natural reaction), and when presented with her sexual receptiveness, indulged.
Having been a 13 year old boy once (for a year), a fairly prominent thought that lingers in the average mind of an average male that age is to carnally possess, to sexually 'have' beautiful women.
It doesn't even really matter if the female is particularly nice, warm, pleasant, etc. It's not even necessary that males know them very well or at all - it's mostly a physical drive.
While both sexes have the advantage of not needing to love or have an emotional bond with (or even like, or even know) a person they share physical sex with, the truth is that women - while the idea of physical intimacy with a physically pleasing male appeals strongly to them - don't have the same kind of drive as dominant.
The average female seeks an emotional bond (in fact, begins to form an emotional bond even if no bond existed prior) with males she engages in sex with. That's not unusual at all - its perfectly normal. While the same is true for males to an extent, it's nowhere near as prominent an impact.
I'll give you an example that illustrates the different perspectives and in no way represents exclusive opinions by either sex: at my old office a married woman (who reportedly felt very physically and emotionally neglected by her spouse) began to indulge in an extended sexual tryst with a male coworker. Over the course of their relatively brief affair, she developed a strong emotional bond with her paramour. Inspired by her new emotional outlet, she mustered the courage to come clean to her spouse and profess her love for the new man, which of course ended their marriage.
Well, over the course of their sexual indulgence, the paramour didn't develop anything remotely resembling an emotional bond with her, and wanted no part of an extended commitment. She didn't take that very well. Everybody involved had to leave (and I was in an office of 1000s in a major law firm in nyc).
Anyway, the battle lines formed along sex lines: The women felt sympathy for her - identifying strongly with her feelings of emotional neglect, and while not endorsing her adultery, felt very bad for her. To them, the 'bad guy' in the story was the paramour, for not following through on his emotional commitment to her.
"What commitment?" most of us males asked. For us, it was a no-brainer. A 1/2way decent looking woman offered no-strings sexual adventure to a man, who admittedly didn't act honorably since she was married, but she had no right to consider the relationship as anything more than physical. To us men, she was the one who didn't 'get it.'
This illustrates nicely, I think, how the sexes look at sex differently. And while each side can take jabs at the other and call their position sexist, the truth is that both sides are entirely sincere and are just looking at the situation through their own prisms. For the women, 'of course' she developed an emotional bond with a male she was having sex with, how dare he not? For the men, 'of course' it was just sex for him - he barely knew her, really, and how dare she think it was more than that?
It's not sexist on either side, its just a natural application of their (dominant, though not exclusive) mentalities about sex. Both sides are sincere and 'right,' it's just that both sides are not factoring in that the sexes look at sex differently in many respects.
Which leads to another point: also because of this difference in perspective, public policy can reasonably decide to guard female sexual sexuality differently than male sexuality.
Anyway, the instinct to sexually enjoy beautiful women is fairly prominent in males of most ages. So knowing what I know about 13 year old boys, and acknowledging her great physical fitness and beauty (which probably places her as the physical superior to over 90% of women, which is to say most men would find her a lot more physically appealing than most women), it's no stretch to conclude that he who was also quite willing to sexually indulge in her freely offered intimate charms.
The truth is that, largely because she is much more physically impressive than the wide majority of women, most males who look at the situation respond more strongly on instinct (the instinct to sexually enjoy varied physical sex - with minimal emotional commitment - with beautiful women), many men won't quickly get to the more important public policy issue (she is likely mentally ill and a criminal), though they will get to that in time (and I have to tell you, it may take a while).
So if she was overweight and gruesome, most of those same men would instinctively respond with repulsion. Sexist? No, not really, just the natural symptom of the way us guys think.
See, most of us males when presented with the situation look at the story, see her picture, our eyes move from her head to toe, toe to head (stopping off - and lingering - at some points in between), and our hardwired sexual instinct takes over. "Mmmmmmmm." The prospect of having her fit, leggy body inviting us for uncommitted sexual indulgence (over and over and over) is very strongly appealing (largely based on our predisposition to enjoying sex as more - but not exclusively - a physical adventure, and less of an emotional one). When we project that situation to our young teen years (where thoughts of sex with varied, beautiful women are fairly dominant) and the initial reaction for many males is, as Bogie would say, very literally 'the stuff dreams are made of.' Colloquially speaking, we get a 'woodie.'
Those things, as you may or may not be aware, have been known to override rational thought (I know in my life they have).
This is especially so since most males in adulthood have (wisely) forsaken their hard-wired instinct for sexual variety in favor of the more emotionally fulfilling and better public policy serving life in a monogamous relationship with a woman. For most men, they then develop the emotional bond that is very fulfilling. But, when some of those same males see this situation, the hard-wiring kicks in - "Mmmmmmmmm" - before rational thought takes over.
So when some (or many) males act cavalierly and even jokingly about this situation, realize they are just considering it through the prism of their experience and point of view.
Many of us as adults look at her and say 'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.' When we think about it some more, we look at her and say "So wait a second, you're telling me this 5'11" blonde is coming by my room when I was 14 (after my parents have gone to bed) in her panties and a belly-revealing, tight, and bosom-flattering 1/2 t-shirt, winking and whispering 'it's time to take care of mommy, stud, and lets try to be a little more quiet tonight, we don't want to wake your parents...'
While I think it's safe to say that most people of both sexes find that scenario with a hunky adult male and a 13-year old girl downright creepy, because of several reasons many (if not most) males consider that scenario with this WCW Nitro Bikini Model and find it, well, damn appealing (to put it nicely). That's the stuff a 14 year old boy's dreams are literally made of, and truth be told, some of us older guys have that dream from time to time, also.
Cooler heads prevail in time, or rather they should - this woman is clearly mentally ill and a criminal, if she behaved this way (no normal, healthy woman would behave this way). That being said, if the mood strikes her, and if my 37 years are not too old fotr her taste, she should feel free to swing by my apt anytime she wants and act out on her mentally ill hangups! The fact that I don't even know her and may not even like her as a person won't hinder the average male's ability to physically indulge in rewarding sex with her.
Because when you get right down to it, you really shouldn't send a boy to do a man's job! ;-)
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