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Do what I did. Become an "enrolled member" of the venerable Costco Tribe. We are everywhere and growing. We will take back America via "sprawl". Our noble people roam the land in large SUV's, with three screaming, snot covered papooses strapped in the baby seats (if said papooses are under 40 inches or less than 45 lbs.), with "Screaming Wench Who Suddenly Got Fat After Wedding" helpfully barking orders as to where to park so as she doesn't have to walk in the lambent rays of the beloved Sun God, reminding me of the happy consequences of the yoke of matrimony, for if I were not so wed, I would probably be sitting around my apartment in my underwear watching football and drinking beer instead of roaming the isles of Costco, three steps behind SWWGFAW, pushing the cart and corralling said, lovable snot covered papooses. Yes, for a mere $200 dollars, you can become an enrolled member of the Costco Tribe. It's cheaper to be an "associate member". Come down to Costco, have the bored high school kid take your picture, the one which you will look at in awe, not remembering when you changed from being a virile young buck to the broken down shell that is taking orders from a women who used to weigh less than you! Join my tribe if you dare! Anyway, if you do, the Costco card will confer upon you the same rights as those conferred on Ward "Cleaver" Churchill by the "enrolled member" card that he pulls from his wallet and waves in the faces of people who say that he bears a striking resemblance to those F Troop Indians, you know, the Jewish and Italian guys who spoke with forked tongue and thick Brooklyn accents. Come join my tribe. Then go to a major university and wave your Costco Tribe card in their faces while screaming maniacally and demand tenureship in a field which includes the word "ethnic" or "gender" (but never words like "math" or "science"). If they seem reticent, call them racists and politely ask to borrow their phone so you can call the ACLU. This will get quick results, you betcha. After that, it's all gravy, short work weeks, summers off, lording over terrified and desperate TA's, inviting freshmen chicks up to your swanky bachelor pad to see you velvet dreamcatcher collection. Look what this tactic did for Ward "Cleaver" Churchill. Good Luck in your vision quest, Keemosabe-Buddha.