Doll Community Rallies To Support Captured G.I.

Feb 5 2005 by Tara Zucker

The fashion and action figure doll community has announced a special benefit to show support for Special Ops Cody, who was recently taken hostage in Iraq. While the Pentagon quickly dismissed the capture as a "hoax," the doll community has called for public support and vowed to work to bring the plastic soldier home, with all his accessories intact.

Speaking from her Dream House in Malibu, where yellow ribbons covered the lawn and the purple Volkswagen Beetle parked in the driveway, spokesdoll Barbie® expressed outrage at the insurgents' treatment of GI Cody. "I recognized him right away. I was like 'Oh my God! That's Cody!' He looked like he was trying to be brave, but he doesn't have the fully bendable limbs like some of the other dolls, so to be tied up like that must have really been torture, which is supposed to be a big no-no in war. Plus, they totally opened his accessory pack to get his gun out, so now he can't even be a MIB (Mint in Box) collectible when he comes home. It's really the ultimate sacrifice."

Barbie® continued that she was hurt when the press referred to Cody as "stiff and expressionless." "They don't know the real Cody. He's like, such a doll!"

The "Night of 1,000 Dolls" benefit will be hosted by Barbie's former fiancé Ken™, who runs one of the most successful party planning businesses in Los Angeles. Said Ken™, "For me, it's a chance to give back. This will be the most fabulous evening with plastic people that Hollywood has seen in a long time!" Barbie's little sister Skipper®, a devout follower of Kabbalah, will open the event with a blessing, and G.I. Joe, now retired, will talk about his experiences in combat. The Bratz™ and the My Scene™ girls, once staunch rivals, will join together to perform a medley of pop tunes, and Barbie® promises there will be "fabulous fashions and lots of cool extras!"
All donations will be used to buy more accessories for the troops.

DeadBrain hastens to add that we find the people at Mattel, Hasbro and MGA Entertainment, listed in no particular order but especially considering all of the talented folks in their respective Legal Departments, to be warm, congenial and generous folk imbued with unmatched senses of humor and the pleasant scent of pine needles on a brisk November wind.