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Latest Lib Urban Legend - "California is Leaving"
unknown ^ | 30 Jan 04 | unknown

Posted on 01/30/2005 10:16:50 AM PST by TWohlford

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving.

California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the North East.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST next Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.

So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep the Governor; we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs.

Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts. Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.

Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.

Sincerely,

California


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons; US: California
KEYWORDS: california; kerrydefeat; liberalhumor
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To: Altamira
It's not great, mind you. I think a lot of wacky laws passed in San Francisco, Santa Monica, Berkeley get major press. The illegals cost Californians 6 billion dollars a year. Much could be changed as far a tax burden and programs if the Feds controlled the borders.
121 posted on 01/30/2005 2:34:04 PM PST by socal_parrot (parrot's pick...http://rightandwrong.typepad.com/)
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To: american spirit

Yes --- taxpayers that want to keep a portion of the money they worked for are seen as greedy --- and the new voters are urged to get out and overwhelm the vote and get that money from them.

Texas is going to be fighting a battle between those who work and pay taxes and those who want more government services. No matter that Mexico provided them shacks for schools --- they want nothing but the most expensive schools once they make it over.


122 posted on 01/30/2005 2:44:34 PM PST by FITZ
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To: american spirit

What is really stupid about these people --- they don't realize that the taxpayers actually can pick up and move out of Texas when they succeed in getting taxes raised on only the ones already paying too much in taxes now.

Then they'll themselves have to do just what they did in Mexico --- pick up and find where the anglos (and other taxpayers) went and move again.


123 posted on 01/30/2005 2:51:53 PM PST by FITZ
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To: FITZ

You're absolutely right and another factor that lurks beneath the surface is the fact there are huge pools of $ at the local, county, and state levels that are never discussed publicly and are the result of the dual set of financials kept by public agencies.

One we hear about all the time....the "budget for the current fiscal year" which is basically projections of revenues, etc. at the beginning of the fiscal period. The other we NEVER hear about is something called the CAFR (Comprehensive Annual Fin'l Report) which is the final set of figures at the END of the accounting period which takes into account all the revenues rec'd that were not in the initial budget. Usually, there's quite a difference in the actual vs. budgeted but that fact is never discussed publicly.......so the logical question is where does all that money go. (Keyword - "Walter Burien" and "cafrman.com"
to get the full story on this).

Obviously, the point is there are huge surpluses of $ in accounts or investments at all governmental levels and someone or some group will have control of them......my guess is that this is one big reason for this attempted takeover of our communities by the marxists masquerading as "community leaders".




124 posted on 01/30/2005 3:01:28 PM PST by american spirit
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To: TWohlford

First and foremost - no evengelical would ever call GOD a "she". This is definitely a liberal who wrote this screed. This is wishful thinking - they're just hoping the Christians of CA leave - but we're not leaving - we're just getting started.


125 posted on 01/30/2005 3:11:52 PM PST by CyberAnt (Where are the dem supporters? - try the trash cans in back of the abortion clinics.)
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To: All

You know, every now and then someone posts some idiotic leftist rant like this in order to try to make it seem like the battle is between states, rather than between Americans and anti-Americans, and you gullible California-bashers fall for it every time. Instead of realizing that California is actually one of the greatest bastions of conservative American thinking, probably due to the fact that we are on the front lines of the culture war, you go right to dismissing the whole state. You people need to check yourselves, and I mean quickly, because the Left is playing you like a fiddle. Divide and conquer.


126 posted on 01/30/2005 3:16:36 PM PST by fr_freak
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To: TWohlford
California will now be its own country

Yes, then Gov. Schwarzenegger won't have to change the US constitution to be president.

Poor General Vallejo. He gave up so much so California could belong to the United States, as well as John Augustus Sutter, and any others.
127 posted on 01/30/2005 3:22:12 PM PST by hedgetrimmer
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To: TWohlford
Dear California:
You may think you're going to be independent, but Mexico has its eyes on you. California along with Arizona and New Mexico are going to become Aztlan.
So California, enjoy your independence now; it won't last long.
128 posted on 01/30/2005 3:22:56 PM PST by quadrant
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Comment #129 Removed by Moderator

To: Javelina
Mostly, we'd just get a bunch of farms.

Getting those would work for me. The farms provide the big exports and the rural areas are where the best values still exist.

130 posted on 01/30/2005 4:39:51 PM PST by FITZ
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Comment #131 Removed by Moderator

To: Javelina

We could outsource our high tech needs to India until we built up our own --- but there's a fair amount of high tech throughout the red areas --- northern NM for example and Texas has plenty. Texas has industry also -- as do areas of the South.


132 posted on 01/30/2005 4:45:25 PM PST by FITZ
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To: Javelina

Also the blue areas would need to import food --- the prices of food to them could go up to make up for the loss of subsidies. A city like NY couldn't possibly produce what it needs for food.


133 posted on 01/30/2005 4:48:32 PM PST by FITZ
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Comment #134 Removed by Moderator

To: Javelina

It depends too on how much rural areas the blue states would have --- I would guess quite a lot as the working people flee them to get to the red states. The blue states also have the urban crime and population density. I think the red states could do better without the blue states --- we'd be able to cut off welfare (we'd have to) --- and the welfare recipients would flee to the blue states.


135 posted on 01/30/2005 5:05:21 PM PST by FITZ
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To: ExtremeUnction

You are so right. My aunt lives in east Texas and every time I visit her I'm impressed with how many Lone Star state flags I see flying. They are everywhere. Many are huge. You don't see that in other states.


136 posted on 01/30/2005 5:05:58 PM PST by Inyo-Mono (Proud member of P.O.O.P., People Offended by Offended People.)
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To: TWohlford

OOps..... you left out Massachuttes. To form a really crapy nation you have to have them.


137 posted on 01/30/2005 5:11:15 PM PST by bert (Freedom trumps Peace.)
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Comment #138 Removed by Moderator

To: Fenris6
LOL. The Red Precincts in Cali will tax all their water supply :)

"who controls the valve on the Colorado?"

139 posted on 01/30/2005 5:19:35 PM PST by Oztrich Boy
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To: Fenris6
...you can take the Blue Precincts, not the entire state.

Right on. Bluesers gets the big cities. We get the access routes in and out and everything beyond the big city limits. And, no, we're not taking their TRASH out nor sending the FOOD in!

140 posted on 01/30/2005 5:59:45 PM PST by BradyLS (DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
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