"My wife" is not a teacher. I am the wife, and the teacher, in my household.
I choose to believe that one good teacher can change a child's life.
I'm guessing you work in the northeast. My experience with unions doesn't parallel yours, but unions aren't nearly as strong or active in the South.
I've worked in a school where the teachers were as hidebound as you describe, but I've also worked in schools where most of the teachers were knowledgable, caring, and worked extra hours, bought many materials out-of-pocket, and generally went the extra mile for their students.
Were you and your dozens of teacher relatives as awful as the stereotypical public school teacher you describe?
I think there is plenty of blame to go around for the state of public education today - some for teachers, some for parents, some for judges & politicians and bureaucrats in general.
The state of education basically mirrors that of society in general, and IMO both have been going downhill since about the 1960s.
We've had the baby-boomers, the "me-generation", Dr. Spock & the self-esteem movement....all of these undermined discipline in the home and in the schools.
The feminist movement meant that there were fewer mothers at home for their children, more broken homes, and also there was a bigger variety of careers available for bright women -- which meant that many women chose a "real career" over being "just a teacher" or "just a mother", leading to the devaluing of "traditional women's work".
There's plenty of blame to go around, and I haven't even scratched the surface.