Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn and Governor Rick Perry
Posted on 01/12/2005 12:44:56 PM PST by SwinneySwitch
Today's column is a primer on the language of Texas politics, a guide to understanding the words of two state Republican leaders who are millions of miles apart in their views — and billions of dollars apart in their math.
I affectionately refer to Gov. Rick Perry and Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn, who are smiling before cameras, expressing concern for Texans and trying to club each other to political death at the same time.
This, of course, is known as Running For Governor.
When Strayhorn isn't boasting about her latest budget projections, she's holding a news conference to whack Perry with verbal 2-by-4s.
Strayhorn: "Texas has just enough money to continue following Gov. Perry in doing a poor job for our citizens."
Translation: My opponent is a dork. Vote for Strayhorn.
When Perry isn't bragging about his gubernatorial record, he's countering with two jabs and a quick uppercut: Wham, Bam, No-Thank-You, Ma'am.
Perry: "Those who would like to play politics with our children's health ... or our children's education, do so at their own peril."
Translation: My opponent is a dunce. Vote for Perry.
On Monday, Strayhorn projected a $400 million budget surplus over the next two years.
On Monday, Perry raved about an estimated $6 billion surplus.
Do not be alarmed that one set of projections came from Venus and another set came from Mars. In Texas, this is known as Campaigning In Outer Space.
The race for the governor's mansion began long ago. It heated up on the eve of the 79th Legislature.
Strayhorn: "There is no shortfall when it comes to the budget. There is a shortfall when it comes to the governor's leadership."
Translation: I'm brilliant. The governor is a dope. Vote for Grandma.
Perry: "I'm proud of the fact that I'm the governor of a state that over a two-year period of time went from a $10 billion (shortfall) to a $6 billion surplus."
Translation: I'm a genius. The comptroller is a dimwit. Two years ago, she projected a $5 billion shortfall, then later said, oops, sorry, it's going to be $9.9 billion. Where did she learn how to count — in a cave? Vote for Pretty Boy.
Strayhorn: "My (previous) revenue estimates have been dead-on."
Translation: OK, so I goofed. I made a $5 billion mistake two years ago, but what's the big deal? I finally got it right — I think.
On Monday, Strayhorn blasted Perry for bragging over an estimated $6 billion surplus: "There is a scant — I repeat, scant — $400 million in extra revenue left over after the state meets today's spending levels."
Translation: The governor is a liar — I repeat, a liar. If he were Pinocchio, the governor's mansion would not be large enough to contain his nose.
Perry dismissed Strayhorn's comments as political grandstanding. "Good public policy is what we ought to be about," he said.
Translation: The comptroller is a lunatic. She spends five minutes a day crunching numbers, and 15 hours a day bashing me. She'd make a great boxer, but a lousy governor. One tough grandma? She's one sorry comptroller.
The other day, Strayhorn was asked when she might officially announce her gubernatorial candidacy.
She said, "Today is certainly not the time for any speculation or announcements — or at least not the time for announcements."
Translation: I'm making this as obvious as I can, guys. Attend my news conferences. Watch my body language. Read my lips. Run with your rumors.
My opponent is a dipwad. He says I'm a dough-dough-bird. Welcome to the 79th Legislature, boys.
I'm running for governor.
Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn and Governor Rick Perry
I hate that freaking lady.
I second that. I think Kay Bailey would whip her, anyway (if Kay decides to run).
I failed to see any mention of Senator Kay Hutchison, who is contemplating a run for Governor. If she runs, won't Strayhorn back out?
Strayhorn reminds me of the nutty old aunt almost every family has. She is just 1 or 2 short of a full six pack.
Ha, ha! I think you should be Perry's campaign manager. I can see the ads now: "Strayhorn: One Nutty Grandma!"
Ha, ha! I think you should be Perry's campaign manager. I can see the ads now: "Strayhorn: One Nutty Grandma!"
Truth hurts
I think Ag Commissioner Susan Combs is going to run for comptroller.
Maybe Strayhorn should pull in her horns and retire?
I think Perry has done a poor job as governor of Texas. I hope Kay B.H. runs.
Thank God Texas politics is full of mud :))
I second that. Just look at Perry's latest appointment to statewide office: RINO state legislator Elizabeth Ames-Jones, aka Railroad Commissioner Barbie pending senate confirmation in a couple weeks.
I don't think we need a pro-abortion governor.
HUH?? News to me. I take back my statement save and except Perry done a poor job governing Texas.
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