Posted on 01/10/2005 4:11:37 PM PST by Sub-Driver
Man Eats Raw Duck Before Undies Save Him
22 minutes ago
ROGERS, Ark. - There's a reason Mom says to always have a fresh pair of underwear. The Rogers city attorney learned this week that it's to attract rescue helicopters.
Ben Lipscomb found himself lost in the flooded backwoods of Bayou Meto this week while duck hunting with his Labrador retriever, Josey Wales.
He only managed to make it out by tying his white briefs to the end of his gun barrel and waving them at an Arkansas State Police helicopter.
Decked out in full camouflage hunting gear, Lipscomb was practically invisible as the helicopter made several passes at dusk.
"They had passed over me a couple of times," he told the Morning-News of Northwest Arkansas after he was safe and sound back at his City Hall desk. "I knew I had to do something to get their attention."
Anticipating a cold night in the wilderness, Lipscomb drank dirty bayou water and ate a raw duck breast before he was spotted.
(Excerpt) Read more at news.yahoo.com ...
That's an 18yr old ?
Does eating your shorts cause premature aging?
What they don't tell you is the fact that those "undies" formed a flag 4' X 8'...
1. Water
2. Space blanket
3. Emergency rations
4. Map and compass
5. GPS receiver
6. Flare gun
7. Satellite telephone
8. Rocket pack
9. Supermodel in a Leather Teddy (this is optional but makes getting lost much more fun).
Give the guy a break - at least he didn't eat the dog.
Man eats underwear, now I can truly say I've heard it all. :)
Hahahah i was wondering that, too! 18?!?! I'm 19, and compared to that guy, I haven't hit puberty yet.
"This story has ducks, undies, camo and an excellent headline, all bases are covered."
Nope, not even close. There's no mention of beer, no indication that fundamentalist Christianity was involved, no tie to the fact that global warming has increased the number of lost lawyers, no mention of the underwear's impact on women and minorities, and no explanation of why it's Bush's fault. All in all, a lame MSM effort.
I hate it when that happens.
Raw duck would probably be better than the ones I forgot about on the grill once.
Has anybody seen the dog lately?
Only in Canada; or perhaps Massachusetts.
Somebody Set Up Us The Bomb!
(Sorry. Couldn't resist. lol)
LOL. I'm old enough to be his father, and I don't look that old :o)
She'll get cranky in that leather teddy.
If you're thinking about going to the mall in that snappy aluminum-lined underwear in the back of your dresser drawer, think again.
Beginning Sunday, it will be illegal in Colorado to wear aluminum underwear.
OK, there's a caveat. You can wear aluminum briefs and lingerie as long as it's for personal amusement - but not if it is to help steal by foiling stores' anti-shoplifting devices.
The new law, surely the oddest of the dozens coming out of this season's legislative session, is no laughing matter ... really.
"This is serious business," said Sen. Stephanie Takis, D-Aurora, one of the bill's sponsors. "We have laws against using crowbars as theft devices, but if you were lining your underwear with aluminum foil, that was not a crime."
And by golly, said Takis, it should be. She cited several Denver-area malls that have caught shoplifters with aluminum-lined shopping bags and even the so-called "iron pants" and could do nothing to stop it.
Steve Miller, an attorney with the Legislative Council, helped draft the bill: "I don't know if it was the highlight of my career, but I got the assignment."
Miller said the bill went through several evolutions - "or devolutions depending on your viewpoint" - before it received Gov. Bill Owens' approval.
Essentially, it makes it a misdemeanor to make, wear or know others are wearing aluminum underwear if they intend to use it to fool stores' theft-protection devices. Those devices electronically sense when merchandise leaving the store hasn't been handled by a cashier, and foil can interfere with that detection.
Miller said the new law also gives store employees civil and criminal immunity if they stop shoppers who crackle when they walk.
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
MEMORIALIZED IN SONG --
YOU DON'T BRING ME FLOWERS ANYMORE
I go to the K-Mart…what looks good for stealing?
I think I'll take a Gameboy today…'cause the ol’ welfare check leaves no money for play
Colorado sucks…minorities will suffer…on them it gets tougher
I worked for many years at my craft
Now they’ve passed a law and I know they all laughed
Once again the little guy is getting the shaft
I can’t wear my tinfoil underwear
The scanners I’ve defeated…’though gonads overheated
I guess it isn’t too high a price…‘cause I got lots of stuff that was really quite nice
They caught me stealing Spackle…when they heard the crackle
I worked for so many, many years at my craft
Now they’ve passed that darn law and I know they all laughed
Again you can see little guys will get the shaft
I can’t wear my tinfoil underwear
They passed that darn law…I know they laughed
Once again it is the little guy who gets the shaft
I can’t wear my tinfoil underwear
Well, Josey Wales WAS eying the duck suspiciously. The man had to take action in a hurry.
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