My bank is a bit of a drive and using the local ATMs are a massive rip off: $2 from my bank and $2 from the local bank. If you get out $40 that's 10% robbery.
One way to avoid that is to use your ATM card at a grocery store, and get "cash back". There are no out-of-network charges incurred, at least with our bank there aren't.
1. it is normal to ask for DL for check verification.
2. you need a better bank.
3. pay cash.