January 5, 2005, breaking hard
(Washington DC) - The well lubed Democratic Machine is in full thrust. Millions of voters are set to march in Washington DC tomorrow to protest the certification of electors. The other shoe has finally dropped and Bush's 2nd Inauguration may not happen. The brilliant non-partisan Representative John Conyers, Jr., Ranking Democrat on the House Judiciary Committee has released the long-awaited Status Report Preserving Democracy: What Went Wrong in Ohio. This report weighing in at over 100 pages threatens to shake up Washington DC and rock the world with rock-solid evidence of how Bush stole Presidency for the second time.
Among the most damaging evidence from the report includes:
-While Republicans sat comfortably in their country club and had voting machines brought to them to cast their votes while eating caviar, Democrats had to fight the bitter cold and rain to go to their own polling place and some even had to wait in line to vote.
-Evil Hitler wannabe Uncle Tom partisan Bush supporter Secretary of State Blackwell actually insisted that voters be registered to vote, similar to tactics used by the Nazi's in the 1930's.
-Exit polling data which has never been wrong in the over 4 billion years the earth existed of roughly 1200 Ohioans did not match the actual vote of over 5.7 million voters. Non-partisan Berkley statisticians calculated the odds of this happening approaching nearly a google-plex to one, which happens to be the odds of Richard Simons being straight.
-The Bush-controlled corporate monster Triad, who provided Ohio's corrupt voting machines, actually provided information to elections officials to assist them in their recount, thus insuring the recount would match their corrupt results.
-While the honest Democrat challengers randomly selected precincts with a perfect mix of all races and politely challenged voters without any partisan motives, the brown-shirt Bush supporters concentrated their vote challenge efforts in Democratic areas, and used their disruptive bigoted tactics to intimidate mostly in minority areas.
-There were thousands and thousands of intimidated voters who were scared by these Gestapo tactics into not selecting either candidate for President. These spoiled ballots alone could have given the real winner, the honorable war-hero patriotic Senator John F. Kerry, the election.
These numerous unexplained unprecedented highly-illegal irregularities are sufficient cause for both houses of Congress to reject Ohio's electors, thus giving John F. Kerry the majority of electoral votes cast and thus making him the President-elect. Disregarding theses illegal Ohio electors, and ignoring the apparent vote of 5.7 million people is the only way to restore our Democracy and rebuild the lost confidence that everyone has with our corrupt voting process. January 6, 2005 is set to be a historic day for America, perhaps even surpassing July 4, 1776. Yes, help is on its way!
Funny! That's not from Scrappleface, is it?
I particularly liked the part about country-club republicans having the voting machines brought to them, and the poor demmies having to stand in line! Now THAT'S the way the voting system ought to be!
Well written satire!
Have you submitted this to DU yet?
They would eat this with a spoon!
Excellent!!!