The 2004 Ebenezer Awards

Liberals love giving themselves awards. The empty skulls in Hollywood gather each year to exchange Oscars at the Academy Awards and pontificate about how great they are compared with those hicks in “Jesus Land.” Tom Brokaw and Bill Moyers are heralded as the greatest contributors to the free press in world history the moment either breathes the word “retirement.” Jimmy Carter gets the Nobel Peace Prize for spending his term twiddling his thumbs in the Oval Office rather than really governing the country. Maureen Dowd is awarded a Pulitzer Prize for her selfless efforts to undermine Democracy around the world. And John Kerry is named smartest presidential candidate in U.S. history – until Hillary runs, at least.

With so much back patting going on among liberals and their lackeys, I think it’s about time they received awards from outside their sphere of influence. And since this is the season of giving, I’m happy to present them with the 2004 Ebenezer Awards for the ten Scroogiest actions by a liberal during the Christmas season.

So here’s the countdown:

10 – School district administrators in Salt Lake City, Utah, told teachers they can’t wish their students a Merry Christmas because the phrase contains the “C-word.” Even the school janitor had to zip his lip on the job. I guess four letter words, trash talk, and trashy books enhance the educational experience, but references to the Prince of Peace and access to the Bible pollute schoolchildren’s innocent minds.

9 –Pasco County, Florida, ordered that all Christmas trees be removed from public property since, according to county officials, the trees are a religious symbol. Environmentalism likely played a role in their decision as well, since the innocent evergreen trees were never asked if they wanted to leave their family in the Appalachian Mountains and spend their winter vacation in the Sunshine State.

8 – The town of Bay Harbor Islands, Florida, isn’t “decking the halls with boughs of holly.” Instead, they’re decking the lampposts lining the town’s main street with Jewish menorahs and Stars of David, all the while conveniently snubbing Christmas decorations. Maybe town officials need to be reminded they’re living in the United States, not Israel.

7 – The Islamic holiday of Ramadan was effectively endorsed by a school district in Naperville, Illinois. Schools were encouraged to offer fasting Muslim students “alternative activity options” during lunchtime, and students were also given accommodations in which to pray. The policy even allowed students to be absent for religious ceremonies. In the meantime, try carrying a Bible down the school hallway and see how far you get before being nabbed by the “C-word” police.

6 – A New Jersey school district eliminated all traditional Christmas music, including instrumental pieces, due to complaints from one or two parents over the fact that the songs referred to Jesus, angels, and Santa Claus. So now children won’t be able to learn about classical and historical pieces like “Silent Night” or “The Messiah.” Instead, they’ll have to endure repeated renditions of “Frosty the Snowman.” (And we wonder why schoolchildren don’t know who the first president of the United States was.)

5 – The principal of Lake Washington High School in Kirkland, Washington, prohibited a private theater group from performing “A Christmas Carol” on the high school campus since the performance would surely pollute the purity of his school with religion. Euthanasia proponents may have also influenced the principal’s decision, since Tiny Tim should have obviously “died with dignity” early in the story, preferably before he mentioned God’s name.

4 – Red Cross staff in the United Kingdom are being prohibited from setting up nativity scenes and Christmas decorations in fear that they might offend Muslims and others of non-Christian religious persuasion. Does that mean the international charity organization is now afraid of their own emblem? Last time I checked, crosses were associated with only one religion – Christianity. Maybe they’ll change to the less offensive swastika in the near future.

3 – The Plano Independent School District in Texas considers red and green colors inherently Christian and thus deeply offensive. School officials prohibited students from attending a “winter break” party dressed in the traditional Christmas colors and also outlawed both students and parents from exchanging Christmas cards, candy canes, and pencils with religious references on them. Follow the logic with me: Midriff bearing shirt good, red Santa hat bad; filthy, baggy pants good, green sweatshirt bad.

2 – The city of Denver refused to allow a float in their annual Parade of Lights with “Merry Christmas” written across it, while at the same time warmly welcoming a group honoring homosexual, bisexual, and transgendered American Indians as “holy people.” City officials condescended to allow an appearance by Santa Claus, but some watching the parade were probably offended by the right jolly old elf’s use of red and green in his clothing selection.

And now the moment you’ve all be waiting for. The number one Scroogiest act during Christmas 2004:

1 – A Junior High School in Hampton, New Hampshire, kicked a student out of a school-sponsored dance over a Santa Claus costume he was wearing. Evidently, he was violating the separation of church and state by daring to wear such overtly religious clothing on school grounds. School officials also claimed the white beard prohibited them from seeing the boy’s face. Maybe they thought they had a Santa Claus terrorist on their hands?

Liberals everywhere should feel proud of the valorous performance of their cultural extremist comrades in 2004. Those who plan to be included in next year’s list must begin planning now – the ten slots tend to fill up quickly.

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