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My former boss got divorced over this. He wanted children, she didn't. I don't know if this was discussed prior to their marriage, but it's entirely possible that one of them changed their mind later.

DH and I nearly split up over this as well. We're 12 years apart (me younger) and when we first got together (I was 28) he wanted them and I wasn't ready yet. Then there was 10 years of dealing with his newfound substance abuse problem (long LONG story), then when I finally got him cleaned up and wanted kids he didn't anymore. With him at age 50 I can't say I could blame him.

The "selfish" label makes me want to throw up. I intentionally didn't bring any into a marriage that was in real rough shape, with one partner who was baked out of his mind 90% of the time, on the brink of divorce for 10 years, and I'M SELFISH? Bollocks. I did a kid a big favor by not dragging them into that situation.

I've (mostly) made peace with the situation - sometimes in life you get the present, sometimes you get the box, but the continued chastisement from the "you're selfish" crowd can be painful beyond belief.

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Ignore the "you're selfish" crowd as they cannot accept anything outside their narrow worldview and must resort to judgements and insults. It's a shame that there's so much of that on FR.

I am glad you've made the best peace possible with your situation.