I pretty much agree with you on the above, especially your remark that racist conservatives are in violation of their principles. In fact they are actually behaving like leftists by identifying people as members of a group rather than as individuals.
But I do think that most "conservatives" have left racism behind, which is a form of "coming to terms" with it.
I absolutely agree with your first part. But they get no credit for this, and are generally viewed by their opponents as wanting to reinstate Jim Crow, but just realizing that it isn't possible.
Which is why I disagree with your second part. "Coming to terms" would involve publicly recognizing that they were wrong in the past.
Although I really hate to lend support to any further orgy of apologizing.