Posted on 12/29/2004 8:56:18 AM PST by crushkerry
Who? Judge Elihu Smails, the character in the film Caddyshack who asks of the obnoxious but lovable Al Czervick (played by Rodney Dangerfield), “Good Lord, what has this buffoon done now?”
As a special tribute to Judge Smails, every week we will issue this award to the biggest buffoon of the week … the person who, through his or her actions or public statements, has made a buffoon of themselves and everyone associated with them. Please note that since we slam Kerry on a daily basis, and he could win every week,he and his family are ineligible for this prestigeous award. We also ask Kerry Crushers to send in your nominations (no limits, so keep them coming). All we ask is that you tell us why you’re nominating the person, and include a link to any relevant stories.
This week’s award goes to a hitherto unknown bureaucratic hack who decided to use his moment in the sun (caused by others death and misery) to slam the United States and set forth his worthless and ignorant opinions about our tax system.
Come on up JAN EGELUND and get your award. We’re sure you’re enjoying your 15 minutes of fame and the soapbox that most socialist Norwegians such as yourself never get. Now promptly take the award and get the hell off the stage before we take our stingy size 12’s and put them so far up you’re a$$ that your breath will smell like shoe polish.
Egeland is the hands down winner of this week’s award for making the inaccurate and downright hateful comment that American aid to the tsunami relief effort has been “stingy”. Then, in a display of typical Euro-trash, America-hating socialistic rhetoric he says that more would be available for international aid if taxes were raised - and that we Americans think we are under taxed and want to give more. Hmm, sounds suspiciously like the platform of the Democratic party, and most especially like the Hollywood super-rich who always claim we don't pay enough in taxes.
In support of his view he is relying on the bogus statistic that, on a percentage basis, the US gives less of their GDP to foreign aid than other Western countries. Leaving aside for the moment that the actual amount of our contribution dwarfs those of all other nations, what this arrogant, smug, dilettante fails to realize is that the statistic does not take into account the billions Americans give to private charities, NGO's, religious organizations and other such groups. It also does not take into account the food aid we provide to the world, which again is larger than that of all other nations combined, nor the billions spent in Iraq and Afghanistan to help those people have better lives..
And we've already pledged $35 million with the promise of much, much more to come. And how about this, in less than 4 hours Amazon.com has raised over $500,000 in contributions to aid in the disaster relief effort. So much for stingy, eh? And how about the fact that we are dispatching our military to help the survivors? What do you have to say about that Janni?
Perhaps this clown should be publicly embarrassing the likes of France, which has earmarked a whopping 100,000 Euros (about $150,000.00 to date- yes you read that right - $150,000.00 - or the legend in their own minds European Union, which has pledged a whopping $4 million to date (with a statement that it "could" reach $40 million eventually which is barely higher than we've pledged in the "preliminary" phase of our aid), or the Saudi's, whose massive oil wealth has caused them to pledge a meager $10 million to help their Muslim brethren.
The fact that someone at the UN realized that you shouldn't sh*t where you eat and admitted that the US is the largest donor of international disaster relief, food aid and anti-AIDS programs does not take Jan off the hook. He deserves this award ( just like his boss Kofi Annan did a few weeks ago) and he's going to take it - or else we'll beat the crap out of him.
Now take your award and go back in your hole you sniveling little twerp. And if you're not a good little boy we'll stop paying the salaries of you and your corrupt bosses at that useless organization you work for.
Past Winners:
Ted "I Killed a Woman Once" Kennedy
Eddie "UN Inspectors in Florida" Bernice Johnson
Kendrick "Johnny Soprano" Meek
Howard "The Terror Alerts Are Political" Dean
Bruce "I'm a Washed Up Bush Hater" Springsteen
Chrissy "I Squat To Pee" Matthews
Al "HE BETRAYED US!!!!!" Gore
Dan "What's The Forgery, Kenneth?" Rather
Joe "Allawi's a Puppet" Lockhart
Charlie "I Voted For the Draft-Before I Voted Against It" Rangel
Jimmy "The Revolutionary War Was Unnecessary" Carter
Walter "Rove Made the Bin Laden Tape" Cronkite and Bill "It's a Coup I Tell You" Moyers
Kofi "Don't Bother the Terrorists" Annan and Dustin "Let's Smell Their A$$es" Hoffman
John "I'm a Partisan Hack Pollster Whose Polling Was Good, Desptie All Evidence To The Contrary" Zogby
Buffoon of the Week Ping.
Tony D'nunzio: Another Rob Roy Bishop?
Bishop Pickering: You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already.
Judge Smails: Wrong, you're drinking too much your Excellency.
Bishop: Excellency, fiddlesticks, my name's Fred and I'm a man, same as you.
Judge: You're not a man, you're a bishop, for God's sakes.
Bishop: There is no God...
"Caddyshack" Ping
Bump
Judge Smails: "I've sent boys younger than you to the death chamber Danny. I didn't want to do it, I felt I owed it to them."
Carl Spackler: "It's a cross between Kentucky Bluegrass and California Sensimilia. The great thing about this stuff is you can play 18 holes on it, then go home and get stoned to the bejesus off it."
Ty Webb: "Do you do a lot of drugs, Danny?"
Danny Noonan: "Every day."
Ty Webb: "Good."
Carl: You're over on Bryar, right?
Ty: Uh, yeah, Bryar.
Carl: You got a pool over there?
Ty: Yeah,...well....a pool and a pond. The pond would be good for you.
Carl: Yeah anything would be good, really.
Al Czervick: "Hey Wang, whats with the pictures? Its a parking lot."
Al Czervick: "Hey Wang, I think this place is restricted. Don't tell 'em your jewish."
Some of my favorites you didn't list:
Spaliding: "I want a hamburger, no I want a cheeseburger"
Judge Smails (to Spalding): "You'll Get Nothing And Like It!"
Al: Why, This Is The Ugliest Hat I've Ever Seen. I Bet You Get a Free Bowl Of Soup When You Buy This Hat" (Looking at Smails wearing the hat) "But It Looks Good On You Though"
Judge Smails (to Al): "Gambling is illegal at Bushwood Sir, and I Never Slice" (Swing) "Damn!"
Al (to Judge Smails): "OK you can owe me".
Danny (to Judge Smails): "I'd love to go to college, but it doesn't look like my family will have enough money"
Judge Smails: "Well, the world needs ditch diggers too"
Reverand (to Danny): "You should come down to our new youth center"
Danny: "I've often thought of entering the priesthood"
Revererand: "Oh, are you Catholic?"
Danny: "Yes"
Reverand: "Then you can't come"
Al Czervik: "Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it"
Judge Smails: "Chop Chop"
Carl: "Mrs. Green, I'm watching you. You wear green cause you try to hide. You're lean mean and not to far in between. You wear green because you try to hide, you little monkey woman"
Sandy (in his Scottish accent): "Damn your eyes man. I need you to get rid of all the ga-fers on the course"
Carl: "Excuse me for saying this Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they're going to lock me up and throw away the key".
Sandy: "Not the Golfers, the gophers"
Carl: "We could do that, we don't even need a reason. (Sandy leaves) "Not my fault nobody could understand what you're saying"
LOL
I've come to detest EU-ro-pee-ons.
Now you've done it.
Carl Spackler:
"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald...striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one--big hitter, the Lama--long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? 'Gunga galunga...gunga, gunga-galunga.' So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."
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