I think it is very difficult to discuss this with you. You (seem to) hold to this unshakable belief in the binary. There's no middle. It's this or that, and that's the only possibility.
With all due respect, that's just as insane as anything else you are describing.
In fact I do, but the fact that you cannot tell me what you believe only supports my position. You are unwilling to admit that it devolves to "nothing."
There is, in fact, no middle ground. There cannot be.
But, why not try to argue against my position, insted of just running away by insulting me or ridiculing me? If you are right, then you have nothing to fear, and you could expose me as a fake and do a service to the viewers of this forum.
The difficulty is not realizing that we all work off of absolutes. Even someone who says there are no absolutes just established an absolute. Christians base their primary absolute that God exists. Atheists establish an absolute that God doesn't not exist. Both are based on a belief without a verifiable proof. Christians base their belief on accepting evidence (which is mostly testimony) as being sufficient to establish God exists while atheists either reject the evidence as sufficient or have not studied the evidence.
The difficulty is usually that the atheist thinks his conclusion is based on logic and not belief and is often unable to see that.