EEEk, company.
Good luck, and Merry Christmas!
For those of you who are without cats, here's a glimpse at
the extra joy and process they bring to the task of wrapping
presents.
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is
contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape,
ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to
enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has
been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace
present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line
straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the
scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the
bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why
edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and
paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting
transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove
transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making
corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and
retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional
turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn,
due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and
reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old
cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head
for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out
packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door,
close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is
difficult in the small area of the bathroom, but try your
best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very
carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape.
Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst
affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork,
congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed
cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to
obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed
cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making
certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at
receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at
being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Promise yourself that next year, you will get the store
to wrap the present for you.
A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, "Mommy, my stomach hurts."
Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!" She then prepared a bowl of soup.
Later that day when the pastor and his wife were over for dinner. The pastor began to feel bad. Holding his head he said, "I have such a terrible headache!"
The little girl looked up at him, giving him the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, "That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!"