I think there is a pretty widespread misunderstanding in our country these days, sadly, about true 'leadership' and 'submission' to authority.
The New Testament addresses these important things very clearly, though.
Jesus told His disciples that the kings of the earth 'lord it over' others, but that it was not to be so among them: They were called to servant leadership...'the greatest among you will be the servants of all'.
So, the way I apply this to the marriage relationship is thus: The man is clearly called to be the leader, and the woman is called to submit, or mold herself to, her husband.
Does this then mean that the man is now 'the Boss'? Hardly. It means he is now called to serve and love her the way Christ loved the Church; even to the extent of dying for her if necessary. A pretty high and daunting call, eh?
This leaves the woman free to be what God made her to be: the loving helpmate to her husband, providing daily the one thing he craves and needs above all other things: respect.
Of course, this observation will have to stand as self-evident truth, since my own lovelife hardly proves the case: I'm divorced. ;-)
IMO, people believe that 'submission' is about loss of 'control' when it is really about order. God is an orderly and just God. He gave us the rules for our own good and protection.
Daunting, indeed. But it's worth the effort, as all the stuff that's been the meat of this thread just fade from prominence in the relationship.