I had anorexia in college. Is she the first born daughter? Sometimes it's caused from pressures at school. All the girls competing with one another to look the most beautiful.
Did you raise her in a pretty strict environment? If so, this is probably the only thing she thinks she has control of...what goes in or doesn't go in her mouth. Especially when their are so many pressures for her to perform everywhere else (home, school, etc). My root cause of my situation was I was subconsciously trying to seek the approval of my father. Make sure you shower her with compliments and unconditional love. She's on this quest of "performance for approval" and her weight is the only thing no one can control but herself.
Get her into counseling....it's a loss of self-esteem and worth. When I was going to college, all the girls would walk to the cafeteria for dinner. When we got back to the dorms, a line formed at the bathroom to throw up their dinner. ( I went to a private college in Malibu....everyone competing to be Malibu Barbie). Although I never resorted to purging like them, I ate very little and exercised at least 4-5 hours a day while attending almost 40 hours a week of classes and having 2 jobs. I never allowed myself more than 3 1/2 hours a night sleep....All a quest for perfection. What I really needed was counseling to tell me "I was okay the way I was and that failing at things, is okay if you tried your best". I never allowed myself to make mistakes or be imperfect. Let her know that everything is okay and that she is loved no matter what.
sounds like you got it down very thoroughly and insightfully.
I'd greatly appreciate your responding to my first suggestions to him above. . . . what post number . . . 49.
I'd be keenly interested, as might he be, in what of my suggestions rang true with you as fitting and potentially beneficial.
THX in advance.
Blessings,
Please tell me if what I said in post 78 has any relevance at all, or is it totally not relevant to the anorexia phenomenon.
I can recall when I was in college, wondering aloud, "What is it with women and food? Every girl I know is either anorexic, bulimic, or fat!" I honestly don't get it, so feel free to tell me if I'm wrong.
My grandmother had it in her sixties. I had it at college, as did two of my first cousins on the same side of the family.Everyone looked up to my grandmother as having incredible discipline and self control, without seeing what was really going on.
Why someone gets anorexia is very complicated - in my case it had to do with parents on the verge of divorce,(Mom had extramarital affairs) and me being pressured into the role of peacemaker between them. I was also expected to be the good girl and not express rage. In order to get rid of the rage, I focused on trying to make my body disappear. Anorexics are perfectionist and have little sense of self and feel they have no control over their own life. Having an iron-clad control over one's body gives one the illusion of being in one's control over the unpredictability of life.
Everyone's case is a little different but there are similarities. I wish my parents had sent me to a therapist but they were too busy with their own lives. Good for you to be very concerned.
Very thoughtful. And thought-provoking. Yes, first-born. Yes, fairly strict upbringing. Yes, a father she's always trying to please. Jeez, I'm feeling a little guilty right now. But thank you.