I respect that you believe that there's something to answer your desires.. However, I just think it's no better than a nasty case of OCD. Hoping and wishing that something, somewhere, is listening.
In any case, it's not communication in a practical sense. There's no clear acceptance of the message and a clear answer. It's all vague and could be total chance. I'd probably have as good chance praying to my computer for what I want than to pray to some deity.
I understand. Better than you know...
But it's so different than what you are describing. It's like trying to tell you what "red" looks like. But I think you are much closer to God than you realize -
Only people who once truly called on God can feel as you do. Only those of us who have thrown out a cry for help and felt that the brass anvil of Heaven sounded back our empty, unanswered prayers, could possibly understand our coldness at the thought of prayer.
Where was the hand to save? Where was the light in our darkness, when we called for help and no one came?
I know.