Posted on 12/11/2004 5:37:20 AM PST by RobFromGa
This is the big question in my mind this past year. Am "I" in charge, or must "I" give up control. I will expand upon this later, but my ten cents answer is that we were given free will to do what we wish with our lives.
But we were given much more than that. We were given our wonderful mind which can think and reason.
And more importantly we were given a spirit or soul which can dream and plan.
We did not create these things, or build them, they are given to every one of us.
I choose to believe in a God who has given us the tools to solve our own problems. And who does want us to succeed. More on this in the next installment.
I would hesitate to try to count the thousands of AA meetings I've attended, and I've never heard that statement.
Those that live with the desire to drink are living in "white knuckle sobriety", and it's a helluva way to live.
AA is not about not drinking. That's the easy part.
AA is about living sober.
I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Your posts here motivated me, and last night I went to my first AA meeting. I am now 24 hours sober. I signed up with an on-line support group. I am in the process of watching my mother slowly die from cirrhosis, and I saw myself going down the same road, and didn't want to do it. For some reason, your post came at the exact right time that I needed to see it. God works in mysterious ways. I was an on-fire Christian for many years, and hadn't had a drink in over 7 years. I started up again about 6 years ago, and I have watched myself steadily decline as I drank more and more. I even started smoking again after 20+ years! How stupid is that? I hope that this journay I have embarked on will help bring me closer to the Lord. I have a lot of shame and guilt to work through.
But TODAY, I will not drink. Thank you again.
Fantastic news and I hope that the AA meeting was a help. God bless you on your path.
bump to read later
Thank you for sharing this story of courage. I look forward to the next installment.
Glad to hear those factors.
When one works around it a lot . . . one likes to have a wide margin for safety.
And there are exceptions. Some I won't write about hereon because I don't want 100's of people using the exception as an excuse.
I do hope you have SOME kind of . . . something in place in your network of trusted folk . . . which would blow an effective whistle on you should the pattern change in a destructive way. What you are doing would still be functionally walking a tightrope over hell for millions of people. And, beyond 1-2 drinks, I still don't think the benefit or effect would be worth the tightrope--to me.
Blessings,
Thank You God and Rob!
You've touched on another thing we have in common.
Funny thing...when I started drinking beer..I had to acquire the taste. ( I thought it tasted horrible..but that didn't stop me. )
When I quit drinking...I considered myself somewhat of a beer connoisseur...Heck I like the taste of beer...and kind of missed that when I quit drinking. Many months later I discovered the NA beers...I will have one now and again...especially on those hot summer afternoons.
FRegards,
Sorry about so much new information in one day, but I've got to leave town for the rest of the week and I didn't want to leave my thoughts on AA unfinished till next weekend. So this will bring us up to date.
Chapter 3. What’s God got to do with it?
As I stated previously, the AA program is built upon the concept of a Power greater than ourselves (our “Higher Power”) who we surrender to in order to solve our problem. I have always believed in a Creator and a higher power is not a problem for me, per se. But many people come to AA with no belief structure at all and they are encouraged to find their higher power where it can be found. Many use the “AA group” as the power in the beginning, after all it is a group who have been down the path before and have confronted and “solved” the addiction problem.
My problem was not in identifying the Higher Power, but with the concept of “surrender”. The big question in my mind this past year was: am "I" in charge of me, or must "I" give up control? I always have thought that we were given free will to do what we wish with our lives and that we have responsibility for our actions. That is the core of my personal philosophy and my Conservative polical viewpoint comes straight from this philosphy.
But we were given much more than free will. We were given our wonderful mind which can think and reason. It is truly an amazing creation, and it is quite unfortunate that we are not given an Operators Manual about how to use it most effectively.
But even more amazingly we were given a spirit or soul which can dream and plan and which is not “physical”. I think that this is the core thing about human beings—our bodies are chemicals assembled together, our minds are complex physical processing/storage facilities, but our “spirit” is what makes us who we are. Our spirit is a collection of information, experience, beliefs-- it is a pure information "state". And it is a gift.
We either challenge our spirit to do greater things, or we lose hope and allow it to wither and die. I could not and still do not understand the concept of “surrender” that they are talking about.
I listened and I did not attempt to hijack the program, but instead I chose to take from it the good that I got from it.
In early March, I wrote in my journal:
“don’t try to change AA to fit my world view- not everyone is the same as me and AA may be the only hope for people in different circumstances. Don’t destroy that for others, I have no program to offer them in its place.”
But I do not pretend that I have gotten to where I am today alone. I have already said that I was helped by other people in the AA group. I was also helped by many alcoholics before that chose to write about and find solutions for this character defect. I also have received help from God in many ways:
1. I asked God to help me in coming closer to him, and to understanding his purpose for us.
2. I periodically count my blessings- I make a list of those things that I was born with or that have come into my life through nothing I did to deserve them- my life, my liberty, my country, my health, my wife, my intelligence, my parents, my children… the list can be quite long when you start thinking about it. All of these things were given to me and could have been withheld.
3. I ask him to keep me safe from those forces that would harm me, not only as it relates to drinking but that is a big one.
I do not want to sound too cocky in all of this and I fear that it may sound that way. It may even be true-- it is a difficult thing to see in oneself, especially for someone with a big ego like me. I just really believe that we were given the tools to deal with our problems. And the main tool that we are given is our ability to make decisions (spirit) and take action (mind and body). God is helping me by giving me the tools, and helping me to dream the big goals, and He is keeping the adversaries at bay.
I continue to go to AA meetings at least a couple of times a month but not to keep me from drinking in the short term, but to increase my commitment to not drinking in the long term. I also go to share with people who are just joining and to give something back. And I am still learning and open to new thinking on this, even if I sound totally sure of myself.
I just keep it to myself about the issues I have presently with “One Day at A Time” as a long-term strategy. I recognize that the 24 Hours at a time method has worked for millions and given them their life back. Especially in the beginning it makes it possible.
I welcome comments from those who think differently on this subject, and I am not trying to say that what works for me works for everyone or is the only way to go. But if anyone else has tried to solve this problem through AA, and had problems with “surrender” then maybe what I have said here will help them resolve the issues. And I hope it will help me too!
I leave you with a quote from the Tao Te Ching (Chapter 4)
"With patience tangled cord may be undone,
and problems which seem insoluble, resolved.
When untangled by a cutting edge,
the cord in little pieces lies,
and is of little use."
So, I don't expect instant results, and I am not in a big hurry. I recognize that am closer to the beginning of this story than the end, I really understand that! And I know that I am not out of the woods.
Thanks for listening to my story (so far). FReegards,
RobFromGa
PS: The book "A Million Little Pieces" by Frey is excellent novel (loosely autobiographical) about recovery.
The AA Big Book is also excellent, as is Living Sober.
That's the best thing I have read on FR in a while. Congratulations. Take it one day at a time. Find a sponsor that you identify with. Call her if you are woman, him if you are a man. Talk. Listen. Try to identify not judge. It's hard at first but it gets easier. Everything gets easier in sobriety.
I have a lot of shame and guilt to work through.
Don't think about that for now. There is plenty of time to deal with that. For now enjoy your first day in sobriety. Spend time doing something that you like to do no matter how simple. Actually, the simpler the better. Just enjoy today for today's sake.
Don't drink - go to meetings. Call on your higher power whenever you need to. And remember, always remember the serenity prayer:
God grant me the Serentity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can.
And, the wisdom to know the difference.
Ray
Congratulations, Siouxz!
When you feel like you want to drink, put that desire chip in your mouth. When it melts, drink all you want.
I sobered up in Singapore.
We had a group of about fifty people from every walk of life. We had Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Taoists, Jews, agnostics and atheists.
The ones who stayed sober "came to believe" in a power greater than themselves. So many of us give lip service to our faiths, but until we see that faith in action, we have reservations.
Alcoholism leaves no room for doubt. We either believe, or we drink again.
Alcoholism is the only battle I ever fought which required giving up.
"Let go, and let God."
The whole concept of being powerless over alcohol is, well BS in my opinion.
Most people do not like hearing this but Bill and Bob started this on the foundation of Jesus Christ. They hammered people in the hospital untill they accepted Christ. It was not untill later they found out they had more luck starting off with "a higher power" before slamming them with JC.
It has been subverted to a "doorknob" or whatever the person who has never managed their life before wants it to be. The Bible gives you direction and instructions. Any higher power other then Christ is just putting yourself back in charge although many people have managed to remain sober with "a higher power" that is not Jesus.
I don't see it as an either/or choice.
Some problems I can solve on my own using thinking and reasoning. But these are usually mundane problems, ex. planning a route to a destination, deciding what to wear today, creating an effective ad campaign or designing an improved sprocket.
Other problems arise from an unhealthy ego, ex. addiction, greed, sloth, pride, jealousy, uncontrolled anger, inappropriate fear and such.
Expecting the ego to solve these problems is akin to asking an ill patient to cure himself.
For me it led to innumerable attempts to control, regulate, moderate, schedule and adjust my drinking behavior.
All ineffective because I didn't recognize the source of the problem, a little separate ego, full of fear, numbing itself to pain and compensating by asserting it's importance, it's control (indeed it's very existence) beyond what was justified by an honest look at reality.
In these cases the ego must humble itself, step back and no longer see itself as the leader/creator but as the creation of something greater than itself. It surrenders its preeminence, the mind and heart open. It can then ask for, accept and receive help from others and from the Creator.
With this realization comes great relief, serenity, freedom, joy, gratitude and a desire to give back to life, to do good. At this point thinking and reasoning can kick in to suggest ways to best express this new vision but the moral imperative itself comes from contact with the Creator.
Thanks for sharing and listening.
God Bless you Rob. I've vicariously lived through the nightmare of alcoholism with my brother. Although you were more of a functional alcoholic, the dependency on a stupid bottle is scary for anybody. It's great to share. You are helping others. Communication is the anti drug.
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