Merry Brandybuck Everybody!!!
Posted on 12/08/2004 4:21:21 PM PST by Chris_Shugart
I’m not what you’d call a Christian in any strict denominational sense, but I like Christmas as much as anyone, complete with all of the familiar traditions and rituals. Beyond its religious significance, the holiday season has always been, for me, about spreading good cheer. Who wouldn’t want that?
Well, I’ll you who. It’s the misguided do-gooders and petty meddlers who seem to come out of the woodwork every year about this time preaching their demented brand of politically correct tolerance. It’s the ACLU and their minion of church-and-state paranoids. And it’s the plain old crabby nit-wits who find just about everything around them offensive in some way or another.
This latest trend of anti-Christmas sentiment has gotten me a little bewildered and distressed. For God’s sake, what’s the deal? Is it that “peace on Earth” thing? Maybe it’s that “good will towards men” that has these ninnies in such a winter snit. It’s gotten downright pathological.
Noelophobia is cropping up all over the world. In Canada, city officials in Toronto tried to rename their Christmas tree a “holiday tree.” The Royal Canadian Mint felt compelled to change a commercial featuring “The Twelve Days of Christmas” by changing the well known song to “The Twelve Days of Giving.” In Melbourn, several Australian kindergartens banned Santa Claus from their year-end Christmas parties because they feared they might offend someone. So they replaced Santa with a clown.
Here in the U.S., Scrooge’s syndrome is infecting the country in plague-like proportions. City employees in King County, Washington were forbidden to exchange Christmas and Hanukkah cards. Arizona Attorney General Gale Garriot issued an official ban on state employees exchanging anything with any religious significance. Who has that kind of time on their hands that they can run around conducting Christmas inspections? What’s next—Holiday goon squads confiscating Yuletide decorations and busting Christmas carolers?
In New Jersey, the South Orange School District has had a long-standing ban on Christmas songs with lyrics containing religious references. This year that just wasn’t enough. In an effort to make their school safe from the subtle and subversive influences of Christianity, they banned all instrumental music that might suggest religious content in its title. It’s a shame that our public schools have become such a popular target of the holiday vigilantes. In Grinch-like fashion they’re maniacally intent on removing all vestiges of Christmas. One can only wonder what sort of depraved thrill they get from picking on innocent children.
A Pennsylvania fourth-grader was prohibited from handing out Christmas cards to classmates. Two middle school students in Rochester, Minn., were disciplined for ending a skit by saying, “We hope you all have a merry Christmas.” A teacher in Illinois was told by her principal not to read a book about Christmas to her second-graders, even though the book came from their school library. The superintendent of the Silverton Ore. School District ordered students remove all religious holiday decorations from their lockers. Who can logically explain this kind of derangement? Well, you can’t. Such is the nature of Christmas anxiety disorder.
Many of our schools have become risky environments. Drugs, guns, and gang violence have compelled administrators to take preventative measures like security guards, metal detectors, and drug-sniffing dogs. Now you can add Christmas to the list of dangerous materials that threaten our schools. Soon we’ll likely see scenarios like this: “Hand over those drugs…and the knife. You’re not bringing that gun in here…hand it over…hey, the ammo too. Just a minute, where do you think you’re going? Leave that Christmas paraphernalia here.”
In spite of the growing trend against all things Christmas, there is reason to hope. Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper recently pledged to keep the “Merry Christmas” sign on the City and County building after the public responded to news that the sign was going to be replaced with “Happy Holidays.” Parents opposed to the South Orange and Maplewood School District’s ban on Christmas music showed up at a school board meeting to express their disapproval and demand that the embargo be lifted. Hey, even the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge eventually saw the light.
For my part, I’ve decided to take this Yuletide hysteria head on and call it for what it is: a seasonal personality disorder born of contemporary secular times. I will no longer tolerate this politically correct humbuggery. I’ve lost patience with the easily offended, and I refuse to mollify these anal retentive busybodies. They’re the ones with the problem, not the rest of us. I’m just going to come out and say it: These people are disturbed.
The next person who starts whining to me that Christmas makes them feel uncomfortable, I’m going to say, “Sounds like you’ve got a personal problem, there. I think you need to sort out a few issues.” My advice to all of you noelophobics is to take a new look at whatever it is that’s got you bent out of shape. I promise you, Christmas is not it. Talk it over with a close friend, a pastor, or even a therapist if necessary. Just don’t spew your neurosis all over me. I don’t want you to be miserable, but I’ll be damned if I’ll allow you to wet on my Christmas parade.
Remember that old Spike Jones song, “All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth?” All I want for Christmas is—well—Christmas. And to those of you who are not among the festivity challenged, I say without reservation, have a Merry Christmas. And while I’m at it, a Happy Hanukah, too. And dare I say it, a Quality Kwanza and a Remarkable Ramadan. After all, ’tis the season to be jolly.
Replaced Santa with a clown? But I'm afraid of clowns!!
Most babies and many toddlers are afraid of clowns.
Moral Absolutes Ping.
Comments later - more on the destruction of Christmas.
It's really rampant. I noticed it coming on a few years ago. Well, probably more than a few. But now - I never see one single decoration or word that has any connection with Jesus whatsoever, except a few peoples' yard decorations.
Not even any Santa Clauses, but that doesn't bother me at all.
Let me know if anyone wants on/off this pinglist.
(looks like the war on Christmas bothers even people who aren't Christians!)
I like your idea.
Whose birthday is it, anyway? It's like a birthday party but the main guest isn't invited, no one remembers his name, nor does he have any presents.
Clowns are evil.
I just got my bill yesterday from Armstrong Cable. On it they wished me "Warmest Wishes for a Wonderful Holiday and very Happy New Year"
What holiday are they referring to? Is it the day us old-timers used to call CHRISTMAS??
Merry Brandybuck Everybody!!!
John Wayne Gacey dressed as a clown. He certainly was evil.
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