Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
Not 'some' any longer--the majority now.
It goes the other way as well--daddy was a SNAG and was dominated by mommy. They think: "I want a SNAG like daddy, but I deep down want a dominant male. Shopping will make me feel better!"
Well, you obviously know the deal--and by and large, that's what I'm talking about.... You're OK.
okeee....
Do you need a reading comprehension class ? I said that I never got a chance to meet them, so I gave up on american women that I did meet (church, work, community centers, friend referrals, etc) ... and went to Russia.
I personally don't know any women who wish this in a serious way, and wouldn't respect one who did, nor the guy who obliged her, but you hear it mentioned from time to time.
Women love a knight in shining armor in the movies, one whose dominance is a 'given' because the guy is just so darned cool who ~wouldn't~ follow him and be at his beckon call?
The guys who truly inspire a woman to want to be dominated would never tell you they have that right, they just are that worthy of the position. The guys who have to tell you they are here to dominate you, they are just bullies, riding on the coat-tails of the truly Alpha male.
Is there an address were we can find the former?
I mean there are blood banks, food banks, sperm banks etc where donations are left and you can go and pick up....ah, erm, guess my mind wondered down the wrong path :0 >:>
Its the heart that really matters...
"I suspect that in another 10-15 more years most of those marriages will have failed. And it will be the women who will become disinterested."
No, this is just their cultural norm. You are thinking in western ways, but you can't compare easily. You are thinking married men and women in Japan grow apart over time, but I think the opposite is true. Many Japanese women still want someone older and financially established who will take care of them and their children and it has worked that way for a very long time when Japan was isolated. Some things have held over in the last 2 or 3 generations after WWII, but culture there is now changing rapidly so that couple's ages are more similar and more women have careers outside the home. This new way puts much pressure on young Japanese males to be successful early, so they avoid dating and marriage to avoid the pressure. It is a bit convoluted and hard for us to understand, and even the Japanese have a hard time understanding. Heck, I have a hard time understanding in our culture how young people can simply "hook up" and still be just friends without it being complicated with a relationship. Dating seems to be a dying art.
Mmm...sounds good to me! ;-)
They don't, exactly. They are responding to the signals he is sneding that the man will defend her and her children with the same ferocity that he uses to abuse them. Her children will thus have a better chance to survive to adulthood with a strong, powerful male around - what happens to her in the interim doesn't matter. The nice guy, on the other hand, is sending signals that he will be a pushover, and will not be strong enough to defend the family in a crisis.
Note that this is all happening at the subconscious level, and I doubt one in a hundred women could explain to you why they act the way they do toward abusive men. But usually only a woman with a strong sense of who she is is able to overcome the genetic programming.
Phenomena by their very nature/definition are not general. Your argument may apply to the word "culture," but the moment you add "phenomenon," you've changed the parameters of the discussion. You've made more specific the thing you wish to discuss.
It is, in fact, possible to talk about a cultural phenomenon without using generalizations. If you wish to "include" generalizations (as your latest post has it), that's up to you, but it isn't "necessary to make generalizations" (as you stated in an earlier post).
There are exceptional young men still out there but it's hard to recognize them because they tend to camouflage it.
Topless bars are simply not the hot pickup places they use to be.....
Please tell me you're a college sophomore or equivalent. Then I'll know there's a chance you'll outgrow this whiney phase.
I concur.
Thank you!
I take it as great praise!
Do I get a medal er sumthin now?
See? told ya! When I was a teen at homeschooling conventions I saw the looks I got from the girls when I borrowed a baby. :D
Now THAT is a really excellent point. You've put my point far better than I did.
The guys who truly inspire a woman to want to be dominated would never tell you they have that right, they just are that worthy of the position.
That bears repeating. I couldn't say it better.
Now how do you think this generation of 'Sex in the City' chicks and their emulators will treat a truly alpha male?
They are contemptable....
Thanks!
OK, on #463, I think that was very well said, Hair. I can usually rely on you for wisdom.
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