[Miss Marple]

Why, we could re-enact "A Christmas Carol" with Maureen in the role of Scrooge.

The Ghost of Christmas Past (played by Dick Cheney all jollied up in holly and fur) shows her her youth...boyfriends she didn't have time for, Michael Douglas leaving because of her bitterness, etc. She would be shown the jolly times she had while young, and how she celebrated Christmas at that time.

Then the Ghost of Christmas Present (played by George W. Bush) could show her how Christmas is celebrated at her family's house (complete with all the mice), and then show her a family of a Marine, stationed in Fallujah. The family would be celebrating with Midnight Mass and a call from their husband and father, who is also shown celebrating mass in the desert.

THEN Mo would be visited by the Ghost of Christmas yet to come, played by Helen Thomas. I think that would be enough to scare her into celebrating Christmas the right way.

[jackbill]

I suggest that we all send her a simple "Merry Christmas", at:

liberties@nytimes.com

The Lord only knows where she got that "handle" from.

[lentulusgracchus]

Good one! Okay, that suggests a suitable division of labor:

Quinton to do the softening-up, and you to organize the playlet afterward. At least you've already got your script, courtesy of Mr. Dickens.