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Shoot, that was the LAW until recently. Still is in most folks' minds.
True. Heck, it's even been immortalized (no pun intended) in film.
"They shoulda cremated the !#@&%"
Posted on 12/04/2004 1:50:28 PM PST by chasio649
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
5. Do not buy food at the movie store.
6. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
7. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
8. People walk slower here.
9. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
10. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
11. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
12. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
13. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
14. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
15. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
16. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
17. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
18. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
19. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
20. In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
21. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
22. If you hear music from your neighbors house, join in on the chorus.
23. If you are a woman with a flat tire, don't worry - someone will be along shortly to change it for you. This is the South and we don't let our womenfolk change flat tires.
24. Yes, we do have garbage pickup twice a week here.
25. While you didn't realize it, the National Anthem does end with "Gentlemen Start Your Engines!"
26. However you did it in the North is of no concern to those of us in the South.
27. Flannel shirts can be considered formal wear in the wintertime.
28. Those nice white buildings on the street corners, across from the convenience stores, are called churches! Pick one and attend.
29. Learn to play softball.
30. Learn to eat watermelon. Seed spitting is optional but distance is a virtue.
31. You have 10 days to get your Alabama tape, Bear Bryant Cup and learn all of verses to "I'll Fly Away" after establishing residency. Get your drivers license when you get time to do it.
32. Learn to visit the Space and Rocket Center at least one time each year.
33. Appreciate leaving the house 30 minutes before concert time and being seated 10 minutes before concert time.
Absolutely. That sounds just like my brother sans the 12 pack. In the winter he looks forward to snow and will drive all night to pull people out of ditches and up hills with his big truck.
ROFLOL. That is it to a tee.
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Shoot, that was the LAW until recently. Still is in most folks' minds.
True. Heck, it's even been immortalized (no pun intended) in film.
"They shoulda cremated the !#@&%"
That's what I say. At least save it for seasoning some polk salad or mustard greens. Geeesh...
--Anybody got one of these lists for a Northwesterner moving to Utah?!--
Don't have a list, but some experience:
I hope you like jello.
And if you are in the right part of the state, it is possible to get really good coffee beans. There are places to get good cappachino or lattes. Don't listen to them tell you you need a prescription from your doctor to buy it - that's just a nasty rumour.
The mountains are beautiful.
Some people drive like they get brownie points for never touching their brakes, and others on the same road act like their car has only one speed...somewhere around 40 mph, no matter what the road.
Don't expect to do any work on the 24th of July (the anniversary of the original Mormon settlers arriving). It's like trying to work in New Orleans on Mardi Gras. The crowds aren't so bad, but everybody has the day off.
If you want a nice quiet time on a major holiday, stay in town. Everybody else will be heading to the mountains.
Memorial Day is a big thing here.
There is a huge migration of tundra swans that pass through here. You haven't experienced nature til you've heard 10,000 swans chattering at once. And if you're lucky, you might even see a sandhill crane jump.
Bald Eagles congregate on the northern side of the Salt Lake in late January,early february. At this one viewing place, they sit on the ice, and eat carp they catch in the open water.
You can kayak in the Salt Lake all winter, but open freshwater gets a bit scarce midwinter.
If you are in the north part of the state, I can just about guarantee you a White Christmas.
All of them are true. :)
Same here. I think it's on a 4 or 6 month posting cycle. Nothing was horrid as the rash of "Bad American" posts a couple of years ago on FR. It was posted several times a day for weeks. Now was that Carlin or Nugent.....
True. Florida is not really a State of the Union; it is a State of Denial.
redundant
The traditional trio is milk, bread and toilet paper.
Several years ago, I was listening to my favorite radio station one sweltering July afternoon when they had a new traffic reporter. The newbie said something about a "flurry of accidents." The DJ jumped in and said, "Pardon me, Dave, I know you are a professional airborne traffic journalist, but you are new to Baltimore radio. Around here, you NEVER make any unexpected reference to snow like using the words flurry, flakes, dusting and so forth. If you do, you will cause a run on milk, bread and toilet paper at the supermarkets." I darn near ran off the road I was laughing so hard. The problem is IT'S TRUE!
ping
Not so far.
It probably helps that I never got an "attitude" about the South in the West, and I really LOVE it here. I fit in so much better.
I just figure I am really Southern, and just ended up in CA by a fluke. heeheehee
More proof that every FR thread is an illegal immigration thread.
suet cakes for the birds.....??? How about "fry your pork chops in later?" Or "make a mess of fried potatoes" BTW - "mess of fried potatoes" doesn't mean you were not neat.... :-)
Thanks. Hunter, ping to #145.
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